Pancakes

Conversation between me and The Babe in church, during pre-Communion prayers*:

The Babe: "Mom? Can I do this up there?" (Cupping his hands in front of him and pointing to the altar rail.)

Me: "No, honey. You need to do this." (Folding my arms across my chest.)

The Babe: "WHY???" (Clearly frustrated.)

Me: "Because you haven't been baptized yet. You have to wait until then."

The Babe: "Well, I'm going to do this (cupping) anyway."

Me: Don't know what to do, so I put my finger to my mouth then point to the priest, signaling "It's time to pay attention."

MINUTES LATER WE ARRIVE AT THE ALTAR RAILING.....

The Babe kneels to the left of me and cups his hands. Father Whatshisname** gives me a wafer and starts to give one to The Babe.

I swoop in like an NFL line judge signaling an incomplete pass. Except I only have my left hand available. Father Whatshisname immediately changes tactics, after audibly saying "OH!", and blesses the child. The Babe, in turn, immediatley turns to me and gives me a really stinky stink-eye***.

As we are returning to our pew, I can feel the stink-eye continuing. If we had been playing a game of "Blink first, you lose", he'd have won. He was doing his level best to maintain eye contact and I was doing my best to ignore his eye-based hatred.

When we sit back down, he's STILL staring at me, all crazy-eyed. So I ask "Honey, why did you want the wafer?" The Babe: "Just because."

Now, honestly, I was hoping for some huge revelation about him asking Jesus if he could eat the wafer or something equally as "Godly". No dice.

Me: "Well, OK. If you want to tell me you can."

I kneel and look straight ahead. Then The Babe blows my mind by tapping me on the shoulder. When I look at him, he has tears in his eyes. I feel like crap on a stick.

"I wanted to taste the pancake."

It was all I could do not to laugh. My kid is righteously indignant because of a communion wafer that he thinks is a pancake?

I hugged his little body and promised him I'd get him a "pancake" sometime soon.

And, during Sunday School hour, I talked with Father Reallytall and he agreed to get me an unconsecrated wafer, after laughing with me about our heavenly pancakes.

In fact, Father Reallytall is getting the biggest pancake he can find. He said we could enjoy it for dessert after dinner one night.

In just a few days, when we get that "pancake", I'm afraid The Babe is in for a let down of gigantic proportions.

Upon tasting the wafer, and realizing it tastes about like wet cardboard, I think our little issue is going to be solved.

But now I'm wondering if the next hurtle will be convincing The Babe that the cup doesn't contain syrup?


*Props to The Babe. He's gotten better at cupping his hand around my ear and only slightly rendering me deaf with his "whispering".

**I know his name, just don't want to out him on this one.

***Two things here: have you noticed how much stink-eye we give each other in this family? It's our favorite, non-verbal form of communication. Second, I have a sneaking suspicion that the blessing The Babe was just given didn't take, if he's going all crazy-eyed on me immediately after the blessing was pronounced.....

Drive-Thru Church

As I'm checking out the countryside around Rhome, Texas this afternoon, I run across a church in Paradise. In front are no less than six signs, each about 10 foot by 3 foot. All advertised something the church branded "wonderful" about itself.

My favorite? 39 Minute Church. Dot com.

I just couldn't resist running back to the B&B and checking out how accurate the signage/hoopla was. I'm thinking "In the middle of nowhere, I've discovered a church that has managed to downsize the worship service to less than 45 minutes and NOBODY in the metroplex has thought of this? Surely not."

Well, the website delivered. This is, as advertised, church in 39 minutes flat. Starting at noon. Sharp.

They toot their horn with this bit of information: "This innovative service is for anyone looking for something a little different, has limited time, or wants to get a few things done on Sunday morning before coming to church. Plow a field, work some cows, play a round of golf, get in a quick fishing trip or just sleep in and relax on Sunday morning."

Now, when you figure that, in the number of minutes in a given week, the 39 Minute Church will take up about .003 percent of your time, this is a really efficient way to do church.

But, I couldn't help but wonder, is this what church has been reduced to? Is this the church of RIGHT NOW, for those who spend too much time in the car, with too much fast food, and too little family time? Worse yet, does this cater to the crowd that views church as one more thing to check off their To-Do list on Sundays?

Sadly, I'm afraid this is what church has been reduced to. 39 Minutes of your time, when it seems most convenient, and you have done all the stuff you need and want to do first. The focus, it seems, is no longer on God, but on us. What's convenient, when it's convenient. Because, if it's not, we won't show up.

Somehow, driving through Paradise wasn't all it was cracked up to be.