Friday, December 4, 2009


Conversation between me and The Babe in church, during pre-Communion prayers*:

The Babe: "Mom? Can I do this up there?" (Cupping his hands in front of him and pointing to the altar rail.)

Me: "No, honey. You need to do this." (Folding my arms across my chest.)

The Babe: "WHY???" (Clearly frustrated.)

Me: "Because you haven't been baptized yet. You have to wait until then."

The Babe: "Well, I'm going to do this (cupping) anyway."

Me: Don't know what to do, so I put my finger to my mouth then point to the priest, signaling "It's time to pay attention."


The Babe kneels to the left of me and cups his hands. Father Whatshisname** gives me a wafer and starts to give one to The Babe.

I swoop in like an NFL line judge signaling an incomplete pass. Except I only have my left hand available. Father Whatshisname immediately changes tactics, after audibly saying "OH!", and blesses the child. The Babe, in turn, immediatley turns to me and gives me a really stinky stink-eye***.

As we are returning to our pew, I can feel the stink-eye continuing. If we had been playing a game of "Blink first, you lose", he'd have won. He was doing his level best to maintain eye contact and I was doing my best to ignore his eye-based hatred.

When we sit back down, he's STILL staring at me, all crazy-eyed. So I ask "Honey, why did you want the wafer?" The Babe: "Just because."

Now, honestly, I was hoping for some huge revelation about him asking Jesus if he could eat the wafer or something equally as "Godly". No dice.

Me: "Well, OK. If you want to tell me you can."

I kneel and look straight ahead. Then The Babe blows my mind by tapping me on the shoulder. When I look at him, he has tears in his eyes. I feel like crap on a stick.

"I wanted to taste the pancake."

It was all I could do not to laugh. My kid is righteously indignant because of a communion wafer that he thinks is a pancake?

I hugged his little body and promised him I'd get him a "pancake" sometime soon.

And, during Sunday School hour, I talked with Father Reallytall and he agreed to get me an unconsecrated wafer, after laughing with me about our heavenly pancakes.

In fact, Father Reallytall is getting the biggest pancake he can find. He said we could enjoy it for dessert after dinner one night.

In just a few days, when we get that "pancake", I'm afraid The Babe is in for a let down of gigantic proportions.

Upon tasting the wafer, and realizing it tastes about like wet cardboard, I think our little issue is going to be solved.

But now I'm wondering if the next hurtle will be convincing The Babe that the cup doesn't contain syrup?

*Props to The Babe. He's gotten better at cupping his hand around my ear and only slightly rendering me deaf with his "whispering".

**I know his name, just don't want to out him on this one.

***Two things here: have you noticed how much stink-eye we give each other in this family? It's our favorite, non-verbal form of communication. Second, I have a sneaking suspicion that the blessing The Babe was just given didn't take, if he's going all crazy-eyed on me immediately after the blessing was pronounced.....


  1. Too bad the Babe doesn't know a bit more on Anglican baptismal practices. He could have taken the argument with that opening. ;-)

  2. Yet again, I am trumped by your incredible knowledge of all things in this universe. Transcribe your comment into second grade English so I can understand. Please.

  3. Well, I found a way to parry my thrust, so the Babe would have doubtlessly been thwarted still by your superior theological volley.

    To wit: in the original comment, I was thinking that Anglicans follow the practice of infant baptism, so the Babe could have responded to your proper insistence that his partaking of Communion should wait until his baptism by his own insistence that by all rights be should be baptized already. Just because he was born in Baptistland would be a minor oversight in the eyes of the Anglican priesthood, I assume, and they would, as such, be all to happy to baptize the Babe at any time.

    However, upon further reflection, I discovered the flaw in that line of thought in that I further assume Anglicans are like Lutherans in that Communion is not allowed to baptized children until after confirmation.

    So, all this to say - ignore the crazy, bearded guy on the bike.