Enough

Today's post is extremely personal to me and aimed at someone who is walking alone right now and who can't admit that others love her and want to help.  This is the only way I know to communicate with her anymore.

I hope this helps.

Get out your kleenex.  You'll need it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To all the girls out there who don't think they are good enough...

I was you.
I found "the" boy.
I fell.
I thought he fell, too.
I was wrong.

Chewed up.  Spit out.  Left for dead.

I wanted to die.

I felt a fool.
I felt weak.
I felt worthless.
He was my world.

Where was God?  Why didn't He care?  How could He let this happen?

I listened to all the lyrics from all the songs that told me how horrible he was and how worthless love is and how it shouldn't be this way.
Those songs taught me to confuse sex for love and love for pain and anger for feeling.

I bought the world's lies on credit.
And they paid me back month after month after month on what seemed like an unending pay cycle.
Of pain.

I wanted revenge.
I wanted him to know how badly he had hurt me.
I wanted him to suffer the way I was.



Falling.
Falling hard.
Hitting bottom.
Almost giving up.

I bounced.
And landed squarely on my feet.
Very wobbly.
But still able to move.

It took years.
It took lots of heartbreak.

I had to discover some important truths.

God was there all the time.
I was the one running away from Him.

That boy wasn't all that.
He was a pit stop I tried to make into my home.

I tried to make him more than a human could ever be.
He was my God.
I let him try to heal my hurt.
And he just added to the pain.

What I should have been doing was trying to make MYSELF more.
To learn what made a person like him seem so appealing.
Someone who added hurt.
And suffering.
And heaped on the pain, like coals from a red-hot fire.

Instead, I used him to try to mask the pain and cover up the ugliness I felt inside.
I reasoned "If someone is TELLING me he loves me, even if his actions prove otherwise, then I MUST be worth something."

THAT IS
ONE OF
THE BIGGEST LIES.
EVER.

While I was with him, I never got to the root of MY problems.
I never learned what true love looks like.
And feels like.
And I never learned I am WORTH true love.

If I could grab you up and take you to a very long lunch and teach you anything about what life has taught me, I'd tell you these things, girlfriend...


Some friendships are going to be casualties of life.
How you learn to deal with that reality will be a credit to you.
What you choose to DO with what you learn is even more important.

It is OK to be alone.
It is healthy to learn who you are.
It is good to know your faults and what hurts you and what you can change about yourself to be happier.
And it is really good to know how to admit that to other people so you can be proud to be who God made you to be.

There is no rule that says boyfriends are a must in this life.
But there is a rule that says emotionally healthy relationships can only be that way if two people find each other and are committed to honesty and learning to be healthy together.

As you mature and grow and change there will be plenty of people who will remain static in their lives.
And because you are at a different point than they are, you'll be forced, sometimes against your will, to move on.
That isn't sad.  It's life.
Cherish your memories.
But don't let comfort stop you from moving forward.

Cutting losses early is best.
Leaving after it is too late is a breeding ground for the hardest lessons of all.
But, those lessons CAN and WILL be redeemed, if you choose that path.

Some people are never meant to more than brief reminder of what you shouldn't strive to be in life.
Run like Hell when you realize you are connected to people like that.

Inside of you is a person waiting to bloom.
You are a product of what life has thrown at you so far, but you can choose to either crumble in defeat or stand and fight to victory.
You can overcome ANYTHING you choose to:  insecurity, incest, rape, neglect, drug addiction.  ANYTHING.

But, you are going to need to realize you can't do it alone.
And there isn't another human being on this earth who can do it for you.
You have to decide the task is worthwhile.
And you will need to fall squarely into the arms of God and let Him help.
You can't do it alone.
Try.
Or, take it from someone who tried a million times over and failed ever.single.time.

Admit you can't.
Admit you want to.
Admit your faults.
Admit that you need His help.
Admit it all.

And let His love wash over you.
And bolster those places that are weak.
And send you peace as you learn to walk alone into scary new adventures.
And fill you with a feeling of being loved that you will never find from that boy.
Or from your parents.
Or your siblings.
Or even from yourself.
 
As scary as that may be, when you leave that boy and walk to God, you will be walking into a new life that will make your old life seem pale and lethargic and lifeless.
And you'll wonder why you didn't see it sooner.
Just like me.

So, I'll look forward to the call from you saying "I found Him".
I won't say "I told you so".
Instead I'll say "Welcome home!"


Both clinging to the only one who really mattered at all.
Both shaking our heads in wonder that it took us so long to get there.
Both glad we are in that place.

And, for the first time in our lives together, we'll be there together.

Free from those shackles and the bondage and the self-hatred of knowing we were clinging to a boy who couldn't even remotely heal those dark, sad, lonely places inside.

We'll be looking, instead, at the one true God.
The light of the world.
The hope of creation.
The name above all names.

The One who has healed me and who will be healing you.

And we'll laugh.
And cry.
And sit silently.
And admit pain.
And learn to be content.

It will be good.

You just have to believe.
Find that kernel of truth inside of you that KNOWS leaving is the right thing.

And.just.walk.
Away.

To that far, better place.

Let me know when you need a walking mate.
I'm your gal.

Swimming Anyone?

"After this (a TV show that is about to end), do you guys want to go swimming?"

"Where?"  (Question coming from the room with French Doors that face our backyard pool)

"Out there."  (No doubt, pointing to the backyard.)

"Why?"  (Me thinking:  Um.  It's something crazy like 93 degrees and it is still May...and we own a pool that needs to be used to be worth the money we're dumping into it.)

"Because."

Literally.  End.of.conversation.  And everyone is heading to their room to get suited up.

That's what I like about guys.  They get right to the point and don't waste a single word.

Thank You!

"Thank you.  No, thank YOU."  If you are as old as I am, don't you remember watching the British-accented "goofy gophers", Mac and Tosh, who were always on the top of their politeness game?

I'm not sure if it was the charming accent, the fact that they were so darn cute, or that they were the only Looney Tunes characters that weren't into blowing up stuff and killing other characters, but I always liked them. In a sea of meanness, they stood out.

And in a world that does its best to be crude, mean, sarcastic and the like, the phrase "thank you" is a balm for the weary soul.

I learned, years ago from a good friend of mine, to say "thank you" to cashiers after they give me a total for my purchases.  It costs me nothing, doesn't hold up the line, and is a way of extending a little joy and gratitude into an otherwise pretty thankless job.

My friend, after being the person behind the register, thought it was the least she could do for others.  And I, thinking this was a pretty awesome way of being kind, adopted her politeness and have used it ever since.  It is amazing to watch the faces of pretty bored, unhappy, ready-to-be-home employees soften, smile, and otherwise change with a simple, unexpected act of gratitude.

That's what "thank you" does.  It changes people.  It reminds them that they've done a service for you that you appreciate.  For the person on the receiving end, it is a reminder that their work isn't in vain.

I am all in favor of thanking other people.  I write thank you notes at the drop of a hat.  But, I realize I don't thank God as quickly as I thank people.

I'm not sure if it is because the world focuses so much on ingratitude and I've adopted that stance.  Or, because God isn't physically present, that it is easier to forget to thank Him.  Or if I just don't take the time.

But, regardless of where I'm at, when was the last time you thanked God for the daily?  For the food in front of you, the hands that prepared it, the farmer who grew it, the person who transported it, for the rain and sun that made the growth possible?

For the clothing we take for granted, in sizes that compliment our body type, in colors that look good against our skin tone?
For the cars that run on roads that are (mostly) smooth and easy to navigate with GPS systems that don't fail?
For children who don't have to worry about gangs in their neighborhood and criminals breaking down doors after midnight and kidnappers who would sell them to evil?

So many of us are afforded all these things by the grace of God.  Yet, so often, we don't find ourselves in a place of gratitude.  We complain when we can't find the perfect little black dress or our cars aren't the latest model or our GPS isn't updated or our children want a birthday party that isn't in the budget.

I challenge you today to find three things that you are thankful for in three different categories:  family, strangers, and God. When you know what those three things are, take the time to use the words "thank you" with an explanation of WHY you are grateful.  If appropriate, let your kids "accidentally" witness you showing your gratitude.  They do, after all, learn by example.

Like giving, thank you has a boomerang effect:  the more you give, the more you get.

So, start today.  And try to find a kernel of gratitude in your everyday.  Rotate around family members and start thanking them, on a daily basis, for their contributions to life.  Even something as simple as your kids brushing your teeth after being told once will leave an impression!

If you are mega-inspired, I would highly suggest the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voscamp.  Mrs. Voscamp has an uncanny ability to find thankfulness in the ordinary, the painful, and the downright unfair.

But, regardless, get out there and start your thank you now.  I sincerely doubt you will ever regret it.