I know some of you think I have my act together.
HA, HA, HA. You are a really funny bunch of people. We should consider getting you rounded up and taking that stuff on the road because it is sidespliting.
Truly, I'm in the same position as every other Mom I meet. I just go on ridiculous, time-consuming tears that result in me temporarily seeming like I have it going on. Which, in case you missed that last paragraph, I don't.
Take, for instance, today's day-long task: Reducing one of my three (yes, three) email accounts from over 600 emails down to 129, to be perfectly exact. In case you are wondering: yes. I have a crick in my neck from working on this computer so long.
Truly, why did I need weekly overviews from my kid's teachers from October of last year? Football schedules from November? Directions to a party from January?
The answer is: I didn't. So, I deleted them. Many months post-hence, mind you. But, they are now gone. And, somehow, I can breathe easier.
The stuff of email is just another distraction to me. In moving to texting a bit more*, I'm starting to see the beauty in what I like to refer to as "drive by" communication. That is, bits of information that seem to come at you like gunshots, fast and furious. They aren't meant to give you all the details. They are simply meant to give you what you need for the moment. If you want more? You have to respond by texting back or calling or emailing.
And for those of you who've known me as a "non-texter" for several months (years?) now: you were right. I am growing fond of the medium. Go ahead and stick your tongue out and tell me "I told you so."
So, for every step forward like texting, I look around and see something else that requires a great deal of work, like the piles that tend to accumulate in my house. Piles that I can painstakingly explain necessity for. Piles that help me keep my sanity but also drive me crazy at the same time; I still haven't figured that equation out yet.
Like those old emails, they clutter my mind. They clutter my counters. They tend to drive Mike bananas, though he'll admit he makes piles, too. And, if we're both being honest, we've seen piling tendencies starting in Nickels and Hooman as well. Please, Lord, NOT THE BABE!!!
Clearing my mind and my house and my computer of "stuff" is necessary before I can calm myself enough to do things that really matter, such as spending time with God, planning family activities, or getting to the gym to move along the process of getting rid of the extra fluff around my middle.
And, truthfully, I don't clear the junk nearly often enough. Too many times I'm working on a time sensitive, mission critical, this has to be done NOW, basis. Then I reach a boiling point and spend way too much time clearing the proverbial and literal cob webs out of my life. If I don't? I feel like someone has dumped sludge in my brain and blanketed my feet with quick-dry cement.
That's not having it all together. That's not having it going on. That's emergency response, complete with flashing lights and blaring sirens.
And, I know this isn't the way God wants me to live. He doesn't want all this clutter. He wants ME. My time. My attention. My devotion.
This is an ongoing battle. I don't expect to resolve it until I get serious about where my attention belongs. And, I can tell you it darn sure isn't on "God's To Do List for MommaJ" to continuously be freaking out over piles and overflowing inboxes and a house that never seems to be clean.
I need to learn how to hit "delete" and throw out clipped recipes I'm not going to make anytime soon and remember that dusting can wait while I focus on the most important things: God, family, and friends.
I need to get out of emergency mode. I need to strike out the things that aren't important. I need my heart and head to agree on what is truly important.
This gives me a renewed interest in a bit of Spring cleaning this year. For me, it will be about getting rid of the shackles that have kept me in a fight or flight pattern of living. It will be about recognizing there is only one of me and I can't do it all. It will be about giving up perfectionism and not trying frantically to be on top of it all of the time.
In the coming months, if I reach my goal, my mind won't be so cluttered. My days can be more about intentionality, not fire fighting. And my life, though it will still be less than perfect, will shine for Christ because I'll have more time for Him.
Here's to cleaning. And reorganizing life. And prioritizing it all for Him.
*Thank you again, Mike, for doing all the grunt work to get a phone for me that couldn't be bought off the shelf at Wal-Mart for under $25 TT&L.