A Friendly Reminder

I was reminded by a sweet friend today that there comes a point where people stop asking how you are doing after you've lost a loved one.  They might ask how a relative, like the surviving parent, is doing.  But, rarely, do they ask about you.

I've found that to be true, as well.  Most of my days, I don't think too much about what I've lost because I have so much in front of me that is a blessing.  But, there are most certainly days when I realize Mom is gone.

Like lunch with a dear friend and her posse of friends, including her Mom, who was riding shotgun at the table.  Or when I walk down the card aisle at the grocery store around Mother's Day and I realize I have only one card to buy now.  Or when I hear news that a relative's Mom has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and, instinctively, I know how his heart feels.

Yes, time changes things.  Yes, time heals wounds.  But, some wounds run really deep and can't be cured by time.  They change.  They evolve.  The evidence of them is less evident to the outside world.  But, they are still there.

If I could go back and recapture one thing in my life it would be the dates each of the people I love have lost someone significant in their lives so that I could remember those dates when everyone else is forgetting.  So I could make that phone call on the anniversary that is drudging up memories or send that comforting email or shoot a prayer to God for peace.

In some ways, I think that acknowledging those days is more important than acknowledging an anniversary or a birthday.  Everyone is all excited for the "fun" events in life.  But, what about the days that hurt?

I'm blessed that I don't dread Wednesdays anymore.  I don't see them as the "day" that Mom died.
I'm glad that I haven't found myself in a funk during the holiday season, as everything that happened with Mom, from diagnosis to death, occurred from late October to late January.
I'm happy that I can be happy, even now that Mom is gone to a better home.

But, I know others aren't there yet.  And, I bet you do, too.  Why not give them that little reminder that you haven't forgotten?  That you are still available to listen.  That you still care that there is hurt in their lives and that you aren't a fair weather friend?

There's still time left in the day.  Why not do it now?