Lunch Line Obsession

What is it with kids when they get an idea in their head?

The Babe, in combination with obsessing over details of his months-away-birthday-bash, is now completely engrossed with the hot lunch line at school.

In carpool this morning he started in again. Hooman just shook his head and, in a very defeated tone, said "It's like his birthday party, Mom."

It took everything in me not to laugh and then reply, "You haven't heard the half of it. I feel your pain. Multiplied by like five trillion."

Isn't there something worth ruminating that's better than cheap, rubbery spaghetti noodles and watery pasta sauce?*

It seems, since Hoooman admitted he went through the line and bought an orange** last week, that The Babe can no longer function without being allowed to get his share of the pie.

Incidentally, I know that's what this is all about: the fairness doctrine of siblings everywhere. "He got something and I didn't. That's not FAIR!"**

I've already reminded The Babe that I brought him a Subway lunch just a scant two weeks ago. Didn't matter.

I've reminded him that, come the last day of school, he'll be sporting his choice of any of the nutritionally-devoid Lunchables on the shelf at our local Walmart.*** That's not good enough.

No. Short of getting to grab a heavy, plastic tray and having a stubby lady with a large wart throw something indistinguishable from "hash" on his plate, he is going to continue on with this inquisition of fairness.

I'm reminded of a pillow I recently saw at Home Goods. It pictured a crown and the phrase "Smile and Carry On".

Maybe I'll adopt that annoying little royal wave and utilize it every time he starts down this path of insanity. Maybe that will look so completely ridiculous that he'll be shocked out of his line of thinking and forget, temporarily, that he is obsessing. Maybe, standing there waving like an idiot will even magically transform me to the land of no worries and perfect children.

Wait. What's that in the distance? Oh, yes. Of course. That's REALITY. Calling me back.

When this starts again, and IT WILL, I am going to take about three seconds to remember "This too shall pass. There will be a new, entirely different obsession coming down the pike REAL SOON."

If I'm lucky, "Obsession"**** by The Babe, edition 2011, volume 3, will have something to do with parenting and my utter lack of equality in anything related to my boys.


*Apparently, not when you are five. Going on six. And planning your party way-far in advance.

**Memo to the sub-60 inch set: MommaJ don't play dat. In fact, I am working extra hard to be sure you are all treated with complete inequality. That is actually more fair to you in the long run because that is EXACTLY the way life is going to treat you. Get used to it and please, when you are 45 years old and realize I'm right, let me know all the years of listening to you gripe about how unfair I was were worth it.

***That's my deal with the kids: eat a good lunch, that I pack, most of the days of school and you can eat complete crap on the last day. So far, so good.

****Place your orders early for the Kindle edition of the book.