Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hatin' on Facebook

It took me awhile, but I finally figured out why I hate Facebook.

Cryptic messages and pointless updates.

If you have more than just your regular posse of friends "friended" on Facebook, you are bound to become a victim of this.

"Cryptic" starts when someone posts a message that can only be interpreted by two of the fifteen-thousand "friends" that person has on Facebook. The other 14,998 of us? Clueless.

That's generally when one person posts a reply, a "please clue me in message", as in "I have no Earthly idea what this post is about but I feel like I should because this was posted for mass distribution and now I am a) worried about you b) confused c) feeling like I should be in the loop yet you left me out."

And the general response to such a message? White noise. Crickets chirping. Nada.

BECAUSE, and this is the key: the original message is an inside job, meant only for those two people, and you've just been drug into the middle of something that you will not be given the key to unlock.

THAT.IS.FRUSTRATING.

And it makes me wish every single message was about sunshine and roses and pancakes, things every man can relate to without having to interpret, guess or otherwise figure out.

But that leads me to the pointless update.

"Ate at Macaroni Grill. BURP."
"Going to the MAVS game with my bud, Rodrigo."
"So drunk last night I threw up on my cat."*

SERIOUSLY? Is this news? Maybe in your world, but not in mine. It's utterly, completely irrelevant to life as most people know it because we didn't a) enjoy dinner with you b) get invited to join you at the MAVS game or c) get the privilege of busting your butt for stupid behavior right in the big, fat middle of it.

Maybe what this really means is that I should just unfriend several people. But, the weird thing is, I've been REALLY selective in choosing who to add, so do I just take FB back down to those I can count to really share something logical and not all hush-hush or ridiculous? Still pondering this one.

But, at least for now, I have the ammunition to explain why Facebook is like The New York Times crossword puzzle** to me: It seems I am drawn to things that should bring me pleasure but do nothing but frustrate me.


*For illustrative purposes only. Not intended to reflect ANYONE I know, knew, or might know.

**I love words. I love defining words. I love synonyms/antonyms and etymology. But I can't do these stupid puzzles to save my cotton-pickin' soul.

4 comments:

  1. On Friday, neighbor says, "Today was one of the best days in my life". A lot of people say, "Yeah. That's great" and "Love you guys". There are some who say, "Why? What happened?". Neighbor says, "Can't tell you yet". I wanted to go over and slap 'em....

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  2. there is a term for this. It's called "vague-booking". Sadly, have done it myself - not intentionally - but yes....have done it.

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  3. I call it passive-aggressive...not you, personally, Mrs. Bear, just in general.

    Either someone wants the world to know or they don't. If that someone can't decide, they should send a message or post it on their friend's wall, between just the people involved!

    Loved this one the other day "CRAP". My thoughts:
    1. Took a ___.
    2. Don't give a ___.
    3. Screwed up royally and this is my response.

    But, truly, I don't have time to chase this stuff, just complain about it!!! :)

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