How Are You?

I've learned to hate the phrase "How are you?"

Think about it. You really don't want to know the answer, most of the time. Because, really, the phrase can only go one of three ways.

Way One:
"I'm just friggin' awesome. Let me fill you in on the awesomeness of my life."

If you are like most people, in about three sentences you'll start to loathe the fact that you asked for this update. Because you now have subjected yourself to listening to the other person tell you how mediocre or downright cruddy your life is in comparison to their life at the moment. Do you want to know about the raise and the new car or the great vacation? Really?

Unless you are an eternal optimist or an angel from the realms, you don't have the patience for this kind of update.

Way Two:
"My life is in the crapper. Really. Nothing is going right."

Again, loathing. The best part of this type of update is that your life is a cakewalk in comparison to the dark, morbid, depressing details you are hearing. The worst part? How to respond. Do you empathize? Say you'll pray? Cry?

Unless you can get onboard with this response by taking downers, it's just not a place you want to be.

Way Three:
"I'm OK."

This may be the worst response of all because it could go either Way One or Two, depending on the next strategic words that come out of your mouth. You hold the key to the person going forward with woe and sadness or revealing they have just come down from Mount Kilimajaro.

So, next time you see me, please don't ask how I am. Better to give a head bob and say "What's up?" To which, I'll likely respond, "Not much". That response won't get either of us in trouble.