I'm Thinking, Again....

I read today that there are 2.2 billion children in the world.

If you pull data on the averages for children per family around the world, you find about half of the countries have less than one child in their house. About another quarter of the households have two to three children and fewer have above four.

Then you throw in the Duggar family and all my calculations get thrown out the window. But, I digress.

So, say an average of two younguns per house and that equates to 1.1 billion stops Santa makes every year.

If he is really conservative and only eats one bite of cookie off the platter at each house*, and each bite has 10 calories in it, he eats the equivalent of 11,000,000,000 calories.

Since each pound is equivalent to 3500 calories, the net weight gain, not accounting for the butt load** of activity caused by stopping at 1.1 billion houses, is an astounding 3,142,857.143 pounds.

So the real question is: How can I spend all week running from hither to yon and surviving on mostly caffeinated coffee and sarcasm yet still feel like I gained the same amount of weight as the jolly old elf?

Ponder this. While I eat a cookie.


*This also accounts for houses that don't leave treats. Those houses are upgraded to "black balled" status for the coming year. To these houses, Santa delivers toys which have pieces the size of ants, with tabs that say "A" and "B", and take about eighteen hours to put together.

Don't screw with the Big Guy, people. He's got the power.

**Yes, it's a pun. Go ahead. Laugh.