Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Drinking Separates the Women from THE Women

I recently took a trip with a bunch of women I don't know all that well. We stayed over the weekend at a B&B not too far from Dallas.

When we arrived, life had been hitting me from all sides and I was just TIRED. Tired to the point that I took a 1.5 hour nap and could have stayed there double that had I not thought someone would have put a suicide watch on my sleepy butt.

One thing I learned on this trip is that alcohol is the great divider. Up to this point in my life, I wasn't observant enough to realize this, but the weekend added a great deal of clarity. Here's what I now know about drinking women:

1. Drunk women who allowed themselves to almost fall in the fire pit have lives that I don't want to be part of. I will avoid pursuing these women's friendship at all costs.

These types are impolite because, if their "look-at-me-Mommy", two-year-old imitating, weebles-wobble-but-they-don't-fall-down routine had actually resulted in a fall, I would have had to put my s'more down to help. Separating me from chocolate at this time in my life is absolutely homicidal.

2. Tipsy women who were a little TOO comfortable drinking WAY TOO MUCH will not become part of my inner circle either.

Social drinkers (as society has so politely coined these folk) may be nice people, but they needn't apply for my hand in friendship, even if they are the "nice" kind who don't become obnoxious. I really don't need more drama in my life in the form of Al Anon meetings, late night phone calls from jail, or puke in my car.

3. Women who drink, who know how to drink and when to stop, are my kind of gals.

Though I wasn't drinking myself*, I could see myself totally hanging with them in the future. They were respectful of those around them and could have easily and safely driven women who almost tripped into the fire pit to the nearest hospital, thus saving me and my s'more from drama.

Now that I think about it, my next girl's weekend away is going to involve two major themes: napping and s'mores. I might even sneak a little drinky-poo.

But I'm leaving those drunk women in Dallas.

*Some of you don't believe me. If you fall into this category, I likely have a good story or two to tell about your drunken escapades, so keep it shut.

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