Children's Sermon Funny

Part of what I do, week-in and week-out at our church, is make sure that Children's Chapel runs smoothly.  Children's Chapel is the equivalent of church for the under-tween set, designed to allow parents to actually listen to the sermon in big church after volunteers escort their children to another location and bring the message "down" to a monosyllabic level.

This job entails a bit of upfront work at the start of the new school year and minor management from then on.  Needless to say, it isn't a chore that sits high on my mind, 24/7, the way parenting and budgeting and finding my next chocolate/caffeine fix do.  But, back there somewhere, is the realization that I have a bit of maintenance to attend to if everyone is going to be happy and prepared.

One of the ongoing jobs is to create a very short blurb for inclusion in the weekly bulletin.  Short generally means about three sentences that encapsulate the scripture we will teach and a couple of talking points for parents to use, post-Sunday-morning, to open discussion about the latest Children's Chapel sermon.

This week we are playing around in Philippians 1, studying prayer.  The sermon I chose for this week is called "The Five Finger Prayer".  When I originally spotted this lesson, I realized the prep to teach was low and the tactile way of teaching would be easy for the kids to remember, both hallmarks of a good children's talk.  Condensing it wasn't going to be simple, though.  There was a lot going on on that half page of words.

So, the following is my brain working through the process of writing the bulletin piece:
OK.  Short intro.  Very short.  Got to get all those fingers in there, too.

Thumb.  Close to you.  Pray for family and friends.  Check.

Index (or is it pointer?  i never got that straight.) for those who point you in the right direction.  Pastors.  Teachers.  Cool.

Middle finger.  Uh.  They are saying "Tallest" finger.  Uh.  I CAN'T DO THIS.  How in Sam Hill am I going to do this?  Really?  This is going to end up in one of those books about crazy bulletin announcements like "Mrs. Johnson is entering the hospital this week for testes" or "Weight Watchers participants please enter through the double doors" and it will be titled "Woman gives Washington the finger".

Why all this consternation?

The middle finger is reserved for those in power in government.

I kid you not.  I laughed out loud.  God's sense of humor the Sunday right before the election?  YOU BETCHA.

Here is my politically correct, sanitized, hopefully-no-one-will-catch-the-burning-irony-and-start-laughing-in-the-middle-of-the-service result of my efforts:

Don’t forget the five finger prayer! Thumb for those closest to you (family/friends), index for those who point you in the right direction (teachers and church leaders), tall man for government leaders, ring for the sick, and pinkie for yourself!

Pretty slick, huh???  Kind of like some of the politicians running this time around.  

I just wonder if shooting the middle finger at the government the week of the election is asking for trouble?  Or if I am just doing my civic duty in educating the kids to pray, even if it is praying with their middle finger.

Just know that the weather is forecast to be clear next Sunday, so if a lightning bolt is going to strike me, it should be a clean hit with no collateral damage.

In other words, as usual, you are safe with me.