The Importance of Coaches

This came from Hoo's baseball coach Monday night, on the eve of the first big game for his team:

As much as we want to see our sons do well and our team win tomorrow night, let's also remember the big picture.

Not to say we don't want to encourage them to give it their all and to play with all their heart, but let's also moderate our expectations.

Let's be careful to encourage and not discourage, cheer and not jeer, teach them to press on but not pressure them beyond reason.

After all, it's a game, not a war.  They have registered to play on our team, not signed a contract with a professional club.

They are still kids ... and this is supposed to be fun  :)

We have been through the gauntlet with coaches over the years.  There are some associations that host sports groups that we refuse to even consider giving fees to because we know the pool of people and, hence, the potential coaches, that reside there.

And, honestly, we've been around the block a time or two and learned our lessons the hard way with Nickels.  So, by the time it came to putting Hoo on the field, we were much more selective in who could give him tips from the sideline.  With Babe, any potential coach practically has to have a unicorn eating grass in their backyard before we'll consider letting them coach him.

If I could give tips to parents of four and five year olds, well-meaning folks who are burning to get their kids started with sports, I would say:

~Your child's first experience on the field needs to be so positive that the coach is practically blowing sunshine out of his/her rear each time ANYTHING happens.  Confetti should issue forth after each attempt at hitting, kicking, or running.  Hugs on the sidelines should rule the day.  The first loss should be met with an excited "WOW was that ever a game to remember!" and Slurpees at the local 7-Eleven. 

If that means YOU step up to the plate, full of sunshine and confetti, to coach, then go do it.  Don't rely on the Dad or Mom down the street to do a good job unless you've watched them first.  They may be nice at the annual neighborhood picnic, but they might end up being the biggest ass known to man once they hit the sports field.  If your child has a bad experience before s/he is old enough to pronounce the word "competition", then you will lose them to sports early on.  And, sadly, you may never be able to convince them again that sports can be fun.

~Ask around.  Find out who has a really good coach and see if s/he is a fit for your child.  Go to some games, introduce yourself to the men and women who coach well, and ask about openings on the team.  Request coaches when you register, instead of leaving it up to chance.

Especially if you find that your child is a bit uncoordinated or attention deficit or quirky, don't push the sports thing early.  The competitive nature of so many parents today will create a pariah effect on your kid, both on and off the field.  I speak from experience when I say that some parents want to win at any cost, with any age kids, and they don't care if their ill-placed remarks make your five-year-old cry when they miss the ball and strike out.

~Some of the best coaches don't have the best teaching skills or the most in-shape bodies or the greatest encouragement speeches.  They just have their attitudes in the right place and know how to encourage.  And they know how to nurture children, whether the team is winning, losing, or huddling together, after the game, crying.

A season ago, Nickels' soccer coach was on the field because his son had some physical handicaps that caused him to be slower than the other boys.  I can only imagine the hell they went through trying to find a team that would love their boy and overlook the fact that he couldn't run as fast or as smoothly or as gracefully as most soccer players.  We parents screamed the loudest of the season when that young man scored his first goal.  I think, for many of us, that was OUR goal for the entire year.  And this amazing team of 6th and 7th grade boys understood that, too, through many losses.  THAT is what a good coach does:  he unites the team and the parents to cheer for the best outcome, not the win.

And, I don't think I will ever forget the goal this coach set.  I am still determined that my sons will play for him, even though this year's timing wasn't exactly right.

So, take this as a cautionary tale.  You've seen the YouTube videos of parents behaving badly and probably thought "That won't happen HERE, in my little corner of the world."  Trust me, no little burg is immune.

In a very long string of things we get to do as parents, this ranks pretty high on the list.  If you do your homework, you might just hit a home run when it comes to this decision.  That's so much better than your kid ending up as a free agent and hoping against hope that you got the coach who is really all that.

Here's to seeing you on the fields.  And sitting together, in all conditions in all seasons, blowing confetti wherever we go.