Grounded

Generally, in this house, it doesn't come to this.  But, tonight it did.

We had to ground our newly minted teenager.

Now, I share this story in hopes that a very much younger Mother with very much younger children will read this and, being of an age where wisdom from older Mom's is golden, will take this to heart.

The best thing you can do is establish boundaries with your children early and often.

And don't budge.

EVER.

I think, looking back over 13 years of parenting my son, that we have been a bit on the lenient side.  There were times we rightfully should have taken away privileges or toys or sent him to his room.  There were times a well-placed spanking should have ruled the day.  There were times I should have put MYSELF in a time-out until I could get my head on straight and done the right thing, instead of responding in an angry way and then feeling guilty and, thus, letting him off scott-free.

But, I didn't.

Now, I don't consider this a failure of parenting that will send my kids to a $150/hour shrink.  And I'm not going to beat myself up for screwing up on a job that comes with no manual, no on-the-job mentor, no pay, and no benefits.  This is learning the hard way, with no reliable coach to tell you when to stop or run or stand still.  You, literally, have to make it up as you go and hope your actions are right.

And, until you are a parent, you just can't quite grasp how hard it is to constantly second guess your decisions and wonder if you made an error that will leave an invisible scar and think that mistake may be the one that sends my kid into a psychotic break.

But, truly, that is where the beauty of parenting lies:  in the fact that, eventually, God-willing, our children become parents themselves.  And, eventually, they will understand this process.  They will have lived through it, for better or worse, and will look back with a ton of grace on the work their parents did.

And, if he is like me, he will work through some of the issues of growing up and move forward, grateful for the parents God choose for him.

But, for tonight, Nickels is home.  He is not one bit thankful for any of this.  He's not at the football game he wanted to attend.  Not getting ready to start the sleepover he had been anticipating.  Not going wrapping with the neighborhood kids.

Mike recently heard someone speaking of parenting as a marathon.  Tonight, if the parallel holds true, I tied up my laces and ran a pretty good distance, even though this was just a single step out of 26.2 miles.

But, this step was crucial.  It was important.  It propelled me forward in a way that others haven't.

It confirmed that I am capable of being a parent in the trenches, when the situation is dire and the need for toughness is high.

It taught me I am made of steel, not of jello.

It taught me I am tough and can do so without being rude or yelling or allowing my temper to get the best of me.

It taught me I CAN do this parenting thing without a manual, but with God's help and with His guidance.

And, if it takes a dozen or more groundings for both of us to learn more lessons on our journey to the finish line, I am up to the challenge.

And, no matter where you are on your own journey as a parent today, it isn't too late to figure these things out.  It isn't too late to stand up to your kids and set the path right.  It isn't too early to set good boundaries and establish consequences and follow-through.  The time is just right to know that YOU are capable, you know what your kids need, and you can do it.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.