How Did THAT Happen?

Tonight, I tucked in my Nickels for the very last time as an elementary student.  Tomorrow he will wake up as a seventh grader. And, as if to add insult to injury, in a matter of fifteen days he will become a teenager. 

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain around the concept that summer is over for us this week.  But, it is even harder to believe that my little boy is knocking on the door of manhood.

He is in that awkward phase where he desperately wants to run toward independence but still needs to be able to turn around and have us reassure him it is going to be OK.

He is well beyond needing us to help with his bedtime routine, but he wants us to tuck him in and say prayers with him and remind him he is loved on a nightly basis...and to help him find Lamby if it has gone MIA.

He wants to control every aspect of his life, from completing school work to picking movies and music to what flavor of toothpaste to use, but he still needs our guidance so he will make the best of the best of decisions.

This is all new territory for us, this see-saw from wanting to needing to wanting and back.  From moment to moment it is impossible to determine where he is, as needy child or as capable young man. 

And, as his Momma, it is very difficult not to try to rescue him from decisions he wants to take control over that I know may not be the best.  That is the tightrope act I am walking as his parent right now:  somewhere between completely saving him from awful judgments and allowing him to get a bit hurt to learn an important lesson.

So, I imagine, that partially explains my nervous anticipation as my baby ventures into the territory of junior high.  My own vivid, not-so-great memories cause me to doubly pray that he builds remembrances that are richer and fonder and worth looking back on when he is in his forties, raising a teenager himself.

I want to cup his little chin in my hands and repeat until it sinks into his soul and mine:  "I have always held tight the reigns, but I am willing to loosen them when you think you are ready.  Just keep in mind that I will never completely let them go until we both know it is right."

Yet, I know he won't hear me.  He'll hear "I hold the reigns".  So, I try not to make analogies and lecture him and hold him back from moving forward.  I simply let the reigns slip down a bit, allow a little more slack, and hope he doesn't trip over the freedom.

But, for all my concerns, I've seen a boy stretching his wings and making great decisions.

I watched him struggle as I outlined his schedule with two extracurricular activities and the burden of seventh grade homework.  I waited as he determined, all for himself, that he needed to place time for his school work above his outside activities.  I listened as he explained his decision to choose school and Taekwondo over football.  And his logic wasn't only sensible, it led him to the absolute, 100% right decision for him.

He knows who he is, that boy of mine.  He has a strong sense of self.  He doesn't worry so much about what others think but tries to be true to himself.

And I love, love, love him for that!  At 46 I am still trying to learn what he has partially mastered at 12.

As I let the reigns looser and looser over the next several days, weeks, and months, I pray that I will see he is capable and ready and trustworthy.  That I will embrace this new freedom he craves and give him pieces of it in due time and at the right time.  But, mostly, that I will loosen my hand without worry or fear, but with gratitude that he is ready for the responsibility that he will ask to receive.

Momma is very proud of you, Nickels.  You are growing into a fine young man who makes wise decisions and who knows who he is.  I can hardly wait to see what God has in store for you this year.

Go blow the top off seventh grade, baby! 

And, in case you ever wonder, I truly do love you more....