Sometimes Free Just Ain't Any Good

WARNING: Today's topic should be reserved for ADULT-EYES ONLY. It tackles issues of the over-sexualization of America. Please be sure children DO NOT read this article.
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I got an offer I couldn't refuse.

And, no. It didn't involve a bloody horse head in our Queen-size sleeper.

I'd taken advantage of a similar offer once before and it worked out beautifully. But, this time, I stood to benefit even more, so I jumped in with wild abandon.

Seems a random airline had random, unused miles that had accumulated on Mike's journeys to the East coast last year. And said airline was just DYING to give us magazine subscriptions in exchange for the couple of thousand mile-points that were sitting unclaimed, no doubt bungling up their accounting system.

The list of magazines was impressive. Most of the "ladies" ones that I liked I was already receiving and had re-upped via magazine drives from local schools. I chose not to extend those subscriptions into the 2020's.

Instead, I decided, I'd get some magazines we normally wouldn't pay good money to order.

One of my big "faults" is not being current, especially when it comes to Hollywood. I love movies, thoroughly enjoy Blue-Ray, and love watching award shows. But, in between award times? I'm utterly clueless about up-and-coming actors, which movies are in production and which have finally hit theaters.

Now, I have a friend who regularly keeps up with this kind of stuff. So, she has kind of kept me in the "know" for the last several years. But, I thought, wouldn't it be fun to be able to actually have a conversation with her, instead of looking at her, for the umpteenth time, like a deer in the headlights when she mentioned "so-and-so's new movie is being delayed because he's going to rehab after being caught doing drugs AND sleeping with three prostitutes simultaneously"?*

So, I ordered Entertainment Weekly. The title kind of popped like Entertainment Tonight. Which made me think of Mary Hart. And I like her. She's a good girl. And those gams? Totally worth insuring for a bazillion dollars.

The first magazine had an ad for the MTV show Skins, where a group of 13-year-old-looking kids seemed to be having a partially clothed orgy.

Nice. {Sarcasm font, where are thou?}

It also contained an explicit article on Natalie Portman's latest movie Black Swan. If you know much about the plot**, you'll know that the ad for Skins wasn't the only thing to make me blush.

I commented to Mike that "this magazine needs to NEVER find its way into the kids' hands." He concurred when I educated him on the latest MTV foray into sliminess and Natalie's character's propensity toward women.

The second magazine arrived a week later sporting a cover picture of the new cast of American Idol. They were all sitting in the back of a limo, smiling like they were hopped up on some party drug. Worse than that was the fact that J Lo was wearing a long dress, but sitting like Sharon Stone in that infamous jail scene from Basic Instinct. The come hither look on her face should have been reserved for her husband.

I didn't even open this one. I sent it straight into the recycling bin. And commented to Mike that "I need to just go ahead and cancel this thing."

Then came magazine number three, the final straw that broke the backs of every camel in the herd.

"Gay Teens on TV" heralded the headline. The picture was of two very cute boys, ostensibly both gay. Or at least, portraying gay teens on TV.

I had had it. I flipped to the article, to find a lovely timeline of all the kids who had "hooked up" over the years, including one picture of two teenage girls kissing.

I immediately looked through the magazine to find the phone number to cancel. I had to SEARCH for the information and then practically use a magnifying glass to read the 888 number. I learned, through this process, that TIME magazine is the parent company for EW. That explained everything***.

I canceled over the phone while Mike went online and canceled by entering the information not once, but twice, just for good measure.

Now, some of you are really aggravated with me right now because you see no issue with any of the magazine contents I've just described. Some of you probably think I'm some Bible-beater who hates people who are different than me. And some of you probably think I am just an ignorant, head-in-the-sand woman who is totally out of touch with reality and should learn to live in the post-sexual revolution America of today.

And you'd be wrong on all fronts.

I take issue with magazines that are blatant about sexuality, period****. I don't want my boys learning about the most precious relationship they will have with their wives from the likes of individuals who think sex is most useful for selling movie tickets.

Therefore, if the plot of Black Swan can command an audience without including sex, then it should be made. From what I've read, though, Hollywood execs didn't think a "ballet movie" would sell to a broad, especially male, audience, so they inserted lesbianism into the show. Cheap ploy, guys.

J Lo? You are a beautiful woman. Let your husband remind you of that, wear the gorgeous clothes you are known for picking out, and leave the steaming sexuality for the bedroom.

And I don't think it is proper for Hollywood to use teenagers to advance the whole agenda of homosexuality. This generation of kids sees gay teens every time they turn around. The subtle message is that children should be totally in tune with their sexuality and know what they want and like by the time they hit puberty.

Did feminists really burn their bras so magazines like Entertainment Weekly could educate us on the sexual habits of Hollywood? If so, then I'm extra, super glad I never bought into that line of thinking.

Because, even though I live in the world, I am not of it.

And I will continue to raise my kids to resist it as well. One step at a time. One magazine cancellation after another, if necessary.

Because God saw fit to give me these children to raise and I am called to protect their interests. Especially when those interests run counter to everything the world is pitching their way.

If that makes me old-fashioned? Good. Because, in terms of insults, I'll gladly take that one on for the future of my kids.

So, every day, I will continue to pray and strive to be a Mother who is willing to stand up and speak the truth, in love.

Especially when I find that the world is doing its level best to kick my feet out from under me with something as simple as a free magazine subscription.



*WOW. Once I wrote that sentence, I realized how much I LIKE being ignorant about Hollywood.

**Which I didn't, until I read the article. There is a term for what I read: over education.

***Liberal to the bone. Not my cup of joe.

****I HATE taking my kids to "regular" grocery stores anymore because we can't stand in line without seeing pregnant teenagers, gay marriage, cheating spouses, and the like on magazine covers. I really don't think making a run for eggs should result in a conversation about sexual morality EVERY SINGLE TIME.