The DOG WHISPERER Reincarnated

Being the kind* parents that we are, we allowed an impromptu sleepover on this-here holiday weekend.

Continuing in the vein of the word "holiday", we all slept in a little later than normal. I could hardly believe my eyes when I awoke to a clock that began with the number 6.

Since I knew I needed to replace the coffeemaker's glass pot and buy eggs at the same time, the logical store to hit, sub 7a.m. on Labor Day, was the neighborhood Walmart.

Off I went.

It became apparent that I was one of about three other people who awoke early once I hit Coit Road. I mean to tell you, it was DEAD out there.

Once inside the store, I grabbed my eggs (two packs, for good measure) and coffeemaker** and headed to pay.

Walmart was like Coit: a ghost town. I passed two other customers the entire time, so when I headed to the self-checkout I didn't have any issue going straight to the head of the line. In fact, I had my choice of four lanes, two of which had actual PEOPLE behind the register.

While happily scanning, I noticed something wet coming from one of the packets of eggs. Besides being totally grossed out at the slimy, snotty junk all over my hands, I was also annoyed that I had to trot all the way to the back of the store again.

I turned around to one of the employees manning an empty checkout lane and asked if I could leave my purchases and return to exchange the eggs. "Sure." was her response.

After a quick journey, I returned to find a person standing at the back of the lane my coffeemaker and packet of eggs were occupying.

I scanned the newly-acquired packet of eggs, swiped my credit card and, while waiting for everything to process, turned to her and said "I realized one of the eggs was broken when I scanned it. Sorry that you had to wait."

I noticed she was on her way to do a little home-salon job, as she was carrying a box of hair color (blond) and a bottle of shampoo and conditioner.

She didn't miss a beat "Well. You could have scanned all your items and paid for them and then returned to take the eggs back.***"

Now, my Momma taught me it is polite to apologize to people when you've inconvenienced them. And, if someone apologizes to you, you should be gracious.

In my mind, this was a Sesame Street "One-of-these-things-doesn't-belong-here" moment.

So, with superhuman strength, I gave the restrained response: "I guess that would have been smart." And, looking directly at her, as I was bending to retrieve my groceries: "I hope you have a wonderful day."

Generally, being on the receiving end of a smart ass comment like that, this would have been a "lion on gazelle" moment for me. Me being the lion, of course.

But, instead, I did my best to let it go, and said a prayer for that woman****.

And, considering she has to be related to the Dog Whisperer person we encountered a couple of month ago, she's been tagged the CLAIROL WHISPERER.


*Yes, you can call us "SUCKERS!"

**It was about $5 more expensive to buy a new coffeemaker than replace the glass pot. Crazy, no?

***OH.YES.SHE.DID.

****"Lord, please help that bitchy woman to have a better day." I said I let it go at the register. But once I was in the car? Not so much.