Saturday, February 13, 2010

Marketing Valentine's Day

"She's worth the investment" claimed the banner on my computer. It sounded good and looked pretty, but I couldn't help but pause and reflect a little on what the marketers were trying to sell me: flowers. In a vase. For $75.

I know, I know. They are romantic and it is Valentine's Day. It only happens once a year. I get all that.

But, calling it an "investment"? That's like placing a doublewide trailer in the flatest part of America and calling it "tornado proof". It just doesn't add up.

I'm all for sending flowers and buying candy and spending $5 on a gushy card. But can we just call a spade a spade? None of these things are "investments". They are, except for the card*, a big, fat** bunch of very disposable, soon forgotten items.

Now, because I'm totally into the two party system in this country***, I'll argue the other side, too.**** Flowers and chocolates and cards professing love do a LOT to help the romantic side of a relationship. I mean, come on, who's going to go all nun-like on their love-bug when they have just eaten fifteen chocolate truffles and inhaled the scent of fresh roses? Only crazy people would do that.

But, taking a completely third party point-of-view on this, there are cheaper, quicker ways to promote romance. They are spelled b-e-e-r, l-i-q-u-o-r, and f-o-o-t r-u-b-s. Any combo of those which includes the feet will yield quite similar results.

So, I'm back to my original statement that flowers are NOT an investment. They are, however, a great idea.

Mike? Honey? Are you getting this?

*But only if you save it. If you chunk it...well, than, it is called "recyclable". Unless it has glitter all over it and then you need to slap the person who sent it (children excluded) because that junk just gets all over every surface from the car to the house to the dogs to the bed. UGH.

**Eat that box of chocolates then TRY to disprove my theory.

***That's a blatant lie. I wish everyone thought exactly like I do, thus saving me the hot air I expend complaining about Washington and the plethora of idiots that seem to have their brains extracted upon hitting the city limits. But, I DO believe in Democracy, so the two party system has to stay.

****But, mostly because I love my sista-friends and if their husbands read this and use it as a "SEE. Here's a woman who thinks this is just hooey", I will be in SO.MUCH.TROUBLE. So, here's fodder for the estrogen set!

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