"On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, a partridge in a pear tree."
SSSSSCCCCCRRRREEEEEEEEEEECCCCCHHHHHHH. Those are the tires of love going from 150mph to zero in .75 seconds. HELLO? A partridge in a pear tree? REALLY?
Never, in all my years of dating and/or being married, have I thought "GEE, self. Wouldn't it be the most romantic of gestures to receive an inedible, completely worthless bird in a fruit tree?"
No.
How about this? "On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, a diamond in a black box."
Yes. That has a nice ring to it. Non-specific. Could be a bracelet, a necklace, or a belly button ring. It could be 10 carats or .5 carats. Yes. That's better.
I think I'll just rest a little bit better if we recreate the song so men all over the world don't get any ideas.
Because there is no way on God's green Earth that I want Twelve Drummers Drumming on the front lawn of anybody's house on this street.
With my luck, the boys would discover a new-found talent and feel the need to join a drum corps.
Sorry, boys. There is not enough chocolate and wine or a powerful enough hearing aid to overcome that prospect.
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