Cellular Hades

Saturday mornings are supposed to peaceful. They are supposed to be leisurely. They are NOT supposed to include copious numbers of phone calls.

But, I get ahead of my story.....

This morning I gave my cell phone to one of my sons, who was going to the end of the block. The reason I gave him the phone in the first place was that he had just returned from a friend's house and left his other brother there. Other brother was sitting on the porch of this house waiting AN HOUR for his friend to return.

Now, as a Mother, I think this is patently uncool. If there was a kid sitting on MY front porch for an hour I'd feel guilty and, simultaneously, obligated to invite him in for crafts and cookies*.

So, I sent son skipping up the street, cell phone in hand, to retrieve his brother.

I know, from past experience, when one brother tries to tell the other brother something Mom said, the conversation goes like this:

Brother one: "Mom said blah, blah, blah, blah. And come home."
Brother two: "I don't have to."
Brother one: "YES YOU DO. Mom SAID so."
Brother two (head moving like a fishing bobber in a monsoon): "No I DOUGH-OH-N'T."
Brother one (practically reduced to tears): "But Mom SAID SO."
Brother two: "I don't care."

At this point, Brother one runs home, crying, and reports conversation. Now I have to take my portly butt up the street and drag Brother two home, by the ear. This inconvenience is the VERY REASON I sent Brother one in the first place.

But, I digress. Back to our previous scheduled post: With cell phone in his hot little hand, I figure "I'll reason with Brother two via phone and I won't have to exercise a bit! Brilliant." And, it seemed this plan was going to work, as a phone call indicated that porch-waiting-worthy friend had come home early and everyone was playing peacefully.

My phone, however, soon became an instrument of irritation. Every few minutes I got another phone call. Nice strategy, dipthong.

Phone call one: "Mom? He's torturing me." (Resolved by threatening other brother with an entire day of time-out.)

Two minutes lapse.

Phone call two: "Can I have the (name of latest DS game)?" (Yes, if it is age-appropriate, Daddy also wants this game, and you've saved enough money.**)

One minutes lapses.

Phone call three: "Mom, if he gets (name of latest DS game), can I have a dog?" (Yes, son. When you own your own place. Doug, the indoor pooping machine, and Tex, the semi-stupid dog, are enough for your Mommy right now.)

When I received phone call number four, a scant two minutes later, I couldn't take it anymore. I demanded the phone come home.

About five minutes passed and I again became possesser of a quiet cell phone. Serenity had returned!

Except that it was 11:30am, I was still in my pj's, and brother one announced that a contractor had just exited his car.

GREAT.



*Of course, they'd be low on sugar and gluten-free and this friend would NEVER want another cookie from our house again.

**Sorry. I don't want games in my house that include any of the following terms: WWF, mature, parental guidance, or Sponge Bob Square Pants.