EDITOR'S NOTE: Blogged with permission of Michael Thomas Nowell, lest you think I'm a hag.
They* say that all good marriages work for the long haul because the husband and wife communicate. I couldn't agree more with this theory and I make sure Mike and I interact on a regular basis.** This is one of the bonuses of having a hubby who works out of the house.***
But, even with obnoxiously frequent jawboning, there is still one thing standing between us and perfection in our marriage: Mike's morning snack.
You see, recently my sweet husband has started a most annoying habit. It started SO innocently, with a trip to Costco, where I picked up a bag of "where have you been all my life?" potato chips. Really, these things are perfection in a foil bag: not too greasy, perfectly crisp, and THICK. The slogan "can't eat just one" should be ripped from the Lay's corporation and given to these chips.
Now, a LARGE bag of these was eaten, by Mike and one son (and a few little, itty bitty crumbs by yours truly****), in about two days. So, of course, to quell the angry masses, I returned to Costco for another bag. Since I had a couple more items to purchase, I decided to shop around a bit. $253.74 later, I had acquired more groceries than a small country might need in a month.
I placed the potato chips, tortilla chips, and salsa***** in the pantry and went about my merry way. Later that morning I saw Mike getting his snack. He carefully filled a cereal bowl with salsa****** and went to the pantry. I decided to stick around a bit as this was shaping up to be a wonderful snack over which we could chat*******. When the man pulled the potato chips out of the pantry, I was aghast. And, I had to ask, "Why aren't you using the tortilla chips I bought?" This seemed like a non-issue to him, so he replied, "Because I love the potato chips."
Now, you would think that Costcos all across the country were spontaneously combusting and I would NEVER be able to acquire another bag of wonderfulness because I LOST IT. Lectured the poor boy on the virtues and properness of dipping tortilla chips in salsa, NOT potato chips. He was unaffected and continued eating.
Thus began the "great potato chip debate of 2009". When my brother-in-law visited, Mike introduced him to this abomination********. He sings the praises of this gastronomical atrocity to the kids. He flaunts this in front of me DAILY, pointing to the bag where it says "great for dipping". I refer him to the non-existent asterisk that says "with RANCH or ONION dip". And, thus it goes.
Until today. I saw my lunchtime weight-gaining regime being swept out from underneath me as Mike had the BAG in his hand and there were only a couple of servings left. So, I had to ask him, "Truly? Are you Satan's wingman?" Then, we both cracked up.
Here's the other thing I know about marriage: When the going gets tough, the tough should laugh. They NEED to laugh. So, we did.
And, starting today, I've resolved to buy extra bags of potato chips at Costco INSTEAD of gritching. That's the very least I owe my sweetie after the Beelzebub comment.....
*The ubiquitous "they", who bring you everything from global warming to swine flu. Speaking of which, where's the pandemic, people?
**Pretty much 24/7, Heaven love him.
***Not so sure HE sees it that way because I overheard him whispering about "locks on the office doors" to the General Contractor. Should I take offense or assume he wants to keep the kids out? HMMMMM.
****I so lie. I open the bag while making lunches and eat my dog's weight in these things. "Hello, Weight Watchers? Yeah, gained back the 8 pounds I lost."
*****And other unimportant purchases, like REAL FOOD.
******For pity sake, man! Show a little restraint. Just drink the stuff out of the bottle.
*******That I could probably encroach on without doing any work.
********Sorry. He can't help himself. I've tried.....