Temporary Loss of My Advent Mojo

I was doing so well staying laser focused this season that you knew it had to come to an end sometime.

Well, that sometime was around noon on Wednesday.

Seems I don't care too much for the nutritional advice of people who are manning a cash register. Actually, I don't care too much for the nutritional advice of people I don't PAY to give me nutritional advice. So, having asked for no advice and paying to get through the check-out stand while receiving said advice flat pissed me off.

Here's the conversation:
Checker: "Would you like your bottle of water?"

Me (being my friendly, chatty self by making small talk): "Yes. Drinking it in the car. And go ahead and give me the CLIF bar as well. That's my lunch."

Checker (whose eyes are suddenly larger than an 18" pizza): "That's a HORRIBLE lunch!" (emphasis hers, not mine)

Me (holding up my to-do list that has about 15 items on it): "I'm eating on the go until I have a chance to sit down and eat a real meal." All the while I'm thinking "Which won't be until dinner." That information would have sent her into a spontaneous epileptic seizure.

Checker: "Tell you what. Go get yourself a slice of pizza on me."*

Me (thinking: "Am I REALLY having this conversation? I'm 45 years old. Perfectly capable of making food decisions without this twit putting in her two cents"): "I don't WANT pizza. I have to finish this (brandishing my to-do list like a weapon and waving it feverishly in my hand) and I need something I can eat while I drive."

About that point, she just stopped talking to me. I signed the pad for my worthless lunch and, ironically, the purchase of the lowest fat white meat, turkey, and headed for the door.

I was so incensed that I immediately called Mike to report my "You'll never believe what just happened to me" story.

As we're about to finish my gripe session and I can tell my blood pressure has returned to normal, I see the light at Park and the Tollway turn green. But before I could get my foot off the brake and onto the gas to move, the dude behind me in a Mercedes SUV, honks.

So, I did the mature thing and went really.really.slow. Because I hate being honked at when I've done nothing wrong.

And, honestly? I think rude people should live on a cliff by themselves, not attack me on Park Lane in windblown Plano for not having my feet on the gas and brakes pedals simultaneously, just waiting with baited breath to race to the next red light.

I turned, s.l.o.w.l.y, into the far lane toward Costco and was almost to the drive way when I realized the Mercedes was pulling up next to me. And I saw a 65-year-oldish man who had his right hand up to his head, playing like he was on the phone. He was shaking his head wildly and acting like he was talking, probably saying something like "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

He was freakin' mimicking me, ya'll!

And you thought cell phones were the cause of all accidents? I beg to differ!

Now, I'm all bunched up by unsolicited advice about my lunch AND a yahoo who clearly thought he was the Solicitor General for the campaign to end cell phone use by drivers.

If steam could have come out of my ears, it would have. But, instead, I made yet another mature choice.

I flipped him off as he got on the Tollway.

Thank goodness Grandpa wasn't packing heat, because I might have gotten myself capped on the road to Costco. Not the way I want to end my life. And not the obituary I want my kids clipping to remember me by.

Anyway, once I was safely in the Costco parking lot, I realized "Holy cow! I have the kids CHRISTIAN school sticker on my car. GREAT. Now I've probably messed up any chances of us returning there next year."

After I hung up the phone, I felt bad for what I'd done to that Mercedes-owning, New York cab driver impersonating, Grandpa man. And, I repented.

After that? The nice man inside the front door of Costco wiped my cart for me** while I struggled with my umbrella.

I let a person with one item cut in front of me at the checkout. And she said "thank you" profusely.

And, ironically, I ran into the headmaster's wife, who I introduced myself to. We had a very pleasant conversation. Somehow Costco had made me feel redeemed.

I realize that people may not have boundaries, may not like the rain, may be in a hurry to get somewhere important, but I can't let them impact my Advent mojo.

Better yet, I can't let them impact my God mojo, regardless of the time of year.

Now that I've purged this incident from my brain by recalling it for your amusement, enlightenment, and ridicule, I must go make dinner.

For some strange reason I'm STARVING!



*Wait just one cotton-pickin' minute. Your best option for replacing my CLIF bar is a piece of pizza? Wow. You really DID earn a degree in nutrition.

**Nobody else around me got that service. And I wasn't even wearing make-up!