Rotten Fruit

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."  Galatians 5:22-23a

"The acts of the sinful natures are obvious:  sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft;  hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like."  Galatians 5:19a-d

There is something simply humbling about teaching your children right from wrong, at least for me.  Half the time, when I'm trying to correct my children's behavior to be more Christlike, I'm not modeling Christlike characteristics in my OWN life.

Case in point:  I've lost count of the number of times I've tried to insert the fruit of the Spirit into my kid's lives while YELLING at them.

NICE.

The good news is that Mike and I learned, a couple of years ago, that we can admit our shortcomings and humble ourselves in front of our boys and say "Mommy/Daddy didn't do that well.  Will you please forgive me for _____."  Not easy, but a great example modeling forgiveness, humility and grace, the very things we want the boys to grow up doing themselves.

Since we are a family that says "I'm sorry" when we accidentally hurt someone else or "Will you please forgive me?" when we intentionally hurt them, when we see negativity in our children's lives, especially when it seems to involve another person, we don't let it go.

And, in the past couple of weeks, we noticed this very thing happening with Nickels.  What just seemed like pure anger actually was, at the core, an issue with envy and jealousy.  And, as so often happens, the issue started as something really small and built into a Goliath of an issue.

For Nickels, the idea that he couldn't sit in the front seat of a car while it was rolling, simply because he is twelve, was driving him ape-poo batty.  You see, I was forbidding this action based on two pieces of information:  a first-hand account of a child, about his age, being killed by an air bag AND the Texas Department of Public Safety stating it is "highly RECOMMENDED" that children under thirteen don't sit in the front seat.

And I'm anal retentive enough to know that I would never forgive myself, armed with this information, if Nickels were to die because I didn't enforce this rule.  So, unless there is a compelling reason for him to be there and it is a short distance, he's behind me in the car.

So, there's the background on why he was envious, to the point of being as green as Kermit the Frog, about friends of his whose moms and dads weren't quite as hyped up on the anal retentive gene.  This has simply driven him to distraction, to the point that he was getting preachy about the whole situation.

And, once the spirit of envy set up residence, jealousy was not far behind.  All the sudden, anyone who could ride in the front seat of a car, sub-13 years of age, was able to have anything they wanted.  They were spoiled to the point of being rotten and he, on the other hand, never got ANYTHING worth having.  In his eyes, the world was an oyster reserved for front seat riders only. 

Oh.my.goodness.  This must have gone on for a week, starting as a little spark and building to the size of the annual Aggie bonfire.  Every time I turned around, there was yet another complaint about something else that Nickels perceived as being a flagrant violation of what children should/shouldn't have and that he could/couldn't do.

Now, here is the interesting part:  as a parent, you'd think I would have seen the exact problem from the moment it started.  But, I didn't.  Truly, I was blissfully ignorant the day I said, for the umpteenth time, "You'll need to ride in the back seat."  That day, in hindsight, was the moment the eye roll at me started the envy in him.

It took an incident of unkindness that was witnessed by Mike to start an earnest conversation with Nickels.  That's when I had to really listen to hear past the anger and hurt and resentment that had built up in him.  On the surface, with the reason for his unkindness being so scattered and illogical, it just seemed like pre-pubescent hormones.  But, the sin beneath it all was readily apparent, once I pieced it all together.

We had a long talk about the fruit of the Spirit.  We discussed his behavior.  I required him to humble himself and apologize to the friend who had been the brunt of his anger.  And, still, it seemed like the fire inside of him was burning as strongly as ever. 

So, I did what every Mother should run like Hell from:  I threatened him.  Yes, I admit it. 

Actually, that sounds a little too mafioso for what I truly did, even though, technically, it was a threat:  I grounded him until he could get himself under control and truly and rightly get back on track with his friend and his attitude.   The threat was, with a sleep over and birthday party in his future, that he was risking having to change his RSVP to a "no".

He stood in front of me, arms crossed, anger seething from his eyes, as I drove away to take The Babe to karate. 

On the way back home, my heart was just in pieces.  I didn't want my boy to feel so bitter and resentful for something so trivial.  I didn't want him to miss time bonding with his buddies because he couldn't be a good friend.  I wanted him to learn that, sometimes, we have to live with rules we don't necessarily like or agree with, but we do have to accept and respect them.  But, mostly, I wanted him to stop being so angry and find himself living in the Spirit.

So, as I drove, I poured out my heart to God and I prayed that He would bless Nickels and remove the envy and jealousy.

After I finished praying and was pumping much needed fuel into our gas guzzler, my phone rang.  Nickels was on the other end, asking a question about something totally unrelated to the task he was supposed to be completing:  his  homework.  Here's where I admit that, again, I didn't respond in the most Christlike way, instead, reminding Nickels that he was off task and that I would deal with him when I got home.*

As I stopped in front of the house, I was met by a smiling Nickels.  Beaming, to be more exact.  And, he shared the following story with me:

"After I hung up with you, I needed the Bible to complete my work.  So, I went in your room and opened the drawer beside Daddy's side of the bed and I saw his necklace with the cross on it.  When I picked the cross up, I felt this warmth and all the anger and hurt just melted away.  I'm happy now!"

I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Do you know that I was praying for God to release you from your envy and jealousy right before that happened?"  The biggest smile lit across his face and his eyes lit up and he said "Cool."**

I may not be perfect the perfect Mother.  I may not see clearly the issues my kids are dealing with.  I may act more like like a piece of rotting fruit, with no Spirit discernible to those around me.

But, when I add God to the equation, there is nothing we can't accomplish together.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."  Mark 11:24


*My biggest source of frustration in life:  the narrow period of time between praying and communing with God and finding myself sinning again.

**Which is boy speak for "That is friggin' AWESOME!"