Whack A Mole

"Raising kids is the world's worst migraine mixed with a kick to the balls"--Jill Nowell

I credit myself because, I figure, someday I'll be famous for that humdinger.

I truly don't know how any generations ahead of ours managed to make it through the joys of parenting without becoming homicidal or suicidal. On second thought, some of them WERE both or either of these, but those of us left standing were, um, still standing. And able to procreate and start the whole vicious cycle again.

It seems that once you have one behavior tamped down another one rears it's ugly head. It's like playing a game of "Whack a Mole" with a smallish human being.

*Monday: Disrespectful? Whack--grounded for the evening.

Tuesday: Lied about doing homework the previous night ("I left it at school. Completely finished.") Whack--redo homework and write an apology to teacher.

Wednesday: Hit brother for no apparent reason. Whack. Time-out. Decided to leave time-out prematurely. Whack. Another 20 minutes......Two hours later. Finally out of time-out but now it's time for bed. Whack. Another 20 minutes for rude comment about parenting style.

Thursday: Left house without telling anyone where you were going. Gone missing until almost bedtime. Whack. Two weeks without TV or friends.

Friday: Near perfect morning except somewhere between breakfast table and brushing teeth, went temporarily insane and missed carpool ride. Whack. $5 allowance penalty.

And on it goes. Painfully. And, some days, slower than maple syrup in a blizzard.

Where it stops, only God knows.

Frankly, if I knew that what I was doing today wasn't going to lead to better behavior between now and college, I might just up and go all John Gosselin and leave my abode and shack up with a 20-year-old hottie.

Saddest part of that scenario? There is no doubt in my mind I'd suffer the consequences and end up pregnant again.

WHACK.


*Each example is for illustrative purposes only and may/may not have occurred in this household or the household of our parents.