Balloons

I knew something stunk in Denmark the first time I saw the silver UFO balloon floating high above Denver, supposedly housing a young child. A boy, nonetheless.

First, this balloon had NO windows. A kid of the boy persuasion, floating through the air with the greatest of ease, is not going to settle for no window out of which to see the world go by. He's going to be working to MAKE a window, either with his handy pocket knife, a hangnail, or his teeth. All without regard to the hissing sound that is getting progressively louder as the helium is slowly let out in the process.

Second, the parents were WAY TOO CALM. If my kid is floating over Colorado in a balloon with no destination, I'm driving 5,000 mph with every police officer in the tri-state area following me.

As Mom, I'm on a bull horn, reassuring my little boy that he is safe. And making sure he doesn't pull down his pants and moon the world out of the window he's created.

Finally, the cock and bull story the Father gave to reporters made me happy I didn't have smell-o-vision. That crap was rancid.

Please, man. You aren't going to ground the kid who supposedly hid in the garage attic during this whole erratic, scary adventure? After you screamed and searched and screamed again, without response from him? There just aren't enough days in the lives of my kids for them to be grounded if they pulled that stunt on me.

Now that we all know that this WAS a hoax, I hope they throw the book at the parents. And make them pay back any airline that couldn't land in Denver during this debacle. And send those kids to their Auntie who owns a wooden spoon and knows how to use it.

And, if you are reading this thinking "WOW. A big balloon! What a novel idea. The Nowell boys could sure use one of those for Christmas!", I just have one thing to say:

No. Not just No. HECK No.