Rescue ME!!!

If you've never watched Dora the Explorer or Go, Diego, Go, you probably don't have kids or Grand kids under five who enjoy "educational TV".*

These little adventurers manage to save someone or something (usually of the animal persuasion) in a short 30-minutes, with astounding accuracy.

Most of this deliverence occurs because of their armada of rescue items, stealthily held in a talking piece of fabric, strapped to their backs. Dora has "Backpack" and Diego has "Rescue Pack".

Every episode is the same: Our hero hears someone/thing in distress, cues the theme song from the pack, checks the trusty map and route, and, finally, rescues the thing from calamity.

On today's episode, it was a chinchilla in a tree. We had a pogo stick, jet pack, a short ladder OR a sandwich to assist with the extrication. And we had to pick the "best" tool.

I chose the sandwich 'cause it was lunchtime and I didn't care if the stupid animal got saved unless he'd sacrifice himself to become chinchilla numero uno in a rocking, soft fur coat.

Now, unlike jaded adults, all this rescuing stuff NEVER gets old when you are under five. When the hero asks you to chant, you chant. When you have to figure out whether to say "yes" or "no", you work those wheels in your brain until they almost freeze up. Then scream your answer at the TV screen.

For those of us five plus, this gets annoying after our first viewing.

But, it did get me thinking about what would be in my "rescue pack".

1. Wine. In plastic bottles that chill themselves. In cool shapes that won't make me look like a whino when I drink directly from them because I've discovered ANOTHER Doug poo on the dining room rug.

2. Chocolate. For quick energy. And, it's ability to satisfy that place in my brain that makes me happy. Think about it. You never hear about someone cranked up on chocolate killing everyone in their office after being laid off. Jacked up on crack? Killing machine. Chocolate? Mellow friend to everyone.

3. Duct Tape. For when the OFF button on one of the kids gets broken and I've just had enough of the talking. Or screaming. Or penis references.

4. A Plane Ticket. Good anytime, anywhere, on any airline, for when I just need to jet off and leave the driving to Mike. Bonus? A free ticket for a little drink on-board, just in case I get separated from my wine-chilling-bottle invention.

Basically, that should cover it. I'll always have something to eat and drink, an escape from the droning of children who don't know when their good looks aren't enough to make me want to listen longer, and a way out, should the going get way too tough.

Retrospectively, I guess I'm Dora in disguise. But with a smaller head. And no monkey.

I guess that's not such a bad thing. Diego IS kinda cute**.



*What a crock. Why don't we Americans just admit we like to sit on our butts and eat tasty treats in front of the boob tube? Why do we have to try to make our laziness educational?

**But not cuter then you, Mike :}