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Let me preface this by saying...if you are my parents, Mike's parents, or are otherwise squeamish about the fact that Mike and I actually do have S*E*X with each other, please logoff my blog today and don't read another sentence.

If, however, you grew up in the 80's and received your sex education from the likes of Madonna, can watch a tampon commercial without turning red, and/or think that "Sex and the City: The Movie" contains some hysterical content, this entry is for VOUS. Read on.

Today, (surprise, surprise*) we have work going on in our house. Day number 150 in our renovation**. Painters are back, this time to torture us with the smell of "Spun Sugar"*** in the dining room and "Mercer Blue" in Mike's office.

As Freddie**** was prepping the office, he discovered that the fan blades were right in the way of some of his work. He tried, unsuccessfully, to use the two screwdrivers in his possession, but they were too long and kept hitting the ceiling. Being the busybody I am, I decided to spring into action to help.

I hit the door of Mike's pseudo-office*****, verified he wasn't on the phone and excitedly asked, "Do you have a stubby, short screwdriver?" Then, I about peed my britches when I realized what I said. For about three minutes I laughed hysterically. Crying, I was. Hard.****** When I finished, Mike looked at me and said "No, no I don't." Off I went again. Guffawing, I tell you. I'm dewy-eyed just thinking back on it.

I learned something REALLY important today:

Men: should your lady ever ask a silly question about your privates, just wait for her to start laughing hysterically. More than likely she's just trying to help Freddie.

Ladies: if you are going to ask a question that sounds like your are referencing your man's privates, it better be followed by belly-lurching laughter. It will TOTALLY get you off the hook AND save your marriage at the same time.

And, if you ask poorly planned questions like me, be sure both of you are fully-dressed and NOWHERE NEAR the bedroom.


*Said like Gomer Pyle. Since you KNOW you LOVE that funky accent and you can't resist yourself, go ahead and say it. I'll wait.

**For the hundredth time: NO, this is not a gut job; just updates. You haven't missed the housewarming party because it HASN'T HAPPENED YET!!!!!

***You'd think, by the name, it would be edible. It isn't.

****Name changed to protect an innocent bystander who has no idea he has become an unwilling victim of yours truly.

*****Folding table in the corner of the back bedroom that isn't suitable for a permanent office due to loud children.....

******SO glad I ran out of time for mascara this morning.