CereSNOREmony

Things that would have made the Olympic-length opening ceremony better...

1.  if someone running the torch would have face planted.

2.  if Joan Rivers had critiqued the athlete's uniforms.

3.  if someone had jerry-rigged the fancy seat lighting to announce "THIS IS SO BORING!"

4.  if there had just been one streaker.

5.  if anyone being interviewed by Ryan Seacrest would have asked "What the hell do you know about sports?"


6.  if The Guiness Book of World Records had thought to have everyone in the audience make the world's biggest s'more off the very, very scary looking "petal" torch.

7.  if we could have gotten a lip-synced "Hey Jude" instead of the warbling, live, karaoke, "now the LADIES!" version.

8.  if we could have received a real-time update on climate change as a result of the fireworks display.

9.  if we could have texted in our bets for the number of groin injuries, steroid disqualifications and hook-ups that will take place during the Olympics.

10.  And, finally...if we could have seen Meredith Viera's backstage reaction to the fact that she used the phrase "Money Shot" in the same sentence as "The Queen".