Squirrely

A couple of weeks ago, we had a really disconcerting thing happen in our backyard:  someone cut our hammock strings and rendered it broken beyond the point of repair. When we pieced together the timing, we realized this had happened during the morning, likely during the carpool run or shortly thereafter.  This didn't happen just once, though.  It happened TWO mornings. 

Since the only way in and out of our backyard is a gate facing the street, we furthered realized someone was acting boldly, not really caring whether or not they were caught.  That, frankly, unhinged me.

I knew Mike was traveling the following week and I didn't relish the fact that I was going to be solely responsible for security at the house.  And, despite the fact that a lock would inconvenience at least three service people during the week, I convinced my darling hubby that our only recourse was to bar the doors, Mikey!!

And, so we did.  Just to cross my "t's" and dot my "i's", I sent a message to all my neighbors.  "Danger, Will Robinson!" it read, "Strangers in our midst.  Beware.  And please look after me while my husband travels."*

The next course of action was to let the Homeowner's Association know we'd been violated.  The woman on the security beat was on the shy side of alarmist, but let me know that she couldn't report our "incident" to the rest of the 'hood if I didn't call the police.  Specifically, I needed to call 911.  Pronto.  Not tomorrow.  Now.

OK.  That's where I balked.  Really?  911?  It's not like someone spray painted graffiti on the side of our house or keyed our cars with curse words or, gads, pooed in the pool for fun.  I asked, instead, if I could call the substation.

Clearly, this was off protocol and annoying to my HoA rep.  Obviously, I was NOT getting the picture that this was of extreme importance, so she relayed a story about a neighbor who had received a visit from someone who had taken his car off his hands in broad daylight.

Now, if THAT had happened?  I'd be calling 911 from all four phones in this house.  But, alas, we were talking about a hammock.

But, I made the call anyway (to the substation, thank you), and was connected to a nice person who took my information and told me I'd get a call back from an investigator.  An investigator?  Really, didn't they have better things to do with their time then track down hammock slicers?  But, since I had already scared my children about a police officer coming over and, possibly, finger-printing all of us and administering lie detector tests** and I was pretty sure the security beat was going to ask for an update, I figured I'd better just go with it.

The investigator took a more detailed report a couple of days later.  She let me know that the first couple of weeks of school are generally bad in terms of damage to property and other petty crimes.  Gang initiations, probably.  I swallowed hard.  GANGS?  In MY neighborhood?  UGH. 

Our phone call ended with the assignment of my report to ANOTHER person, who would be calling me back later.***

And, in any other circumstance, I would be a tad livid.  But, after our discovery this weekend?  I am actually a bit glad.

You see, Hoo decided the best thing to do with a broken hammock was to deconstruct it and repurpose the wood.  Since I'm all about recycling, of course I said "Go for it!" and sent him on his merry way to make a "cross bow".

That's when the webbing hit the ground and didn't move.  And, in that position, Mike was able to see something that blew our ever-lovin' minds.

It appeared that the source of our "cutting" was actually "gnawing".  The lock on our gate was pointless as our "intruder" actually lived in the backyard to begin with.  Our "gang" was actually more like "Alvin and the Squirrelmunks".

Yes, SQUIRRELS were responsible for this entire episode.

When we told the boys, Hoo looked at me and said "You called the police over squirrels?" and started laughing hysterically.

Yes.  Yes I did.

So, to all of you who were diligent in watching out for me a couple of weeks ago?  Thanks.  Sorry.
For the inconvenience to our service providers?  Oops.  My bad.
To the North Dallas Police Substation and NHHA Security Rep?  Um.  DUH.

And, to you?  I hear you laughing.  I can already feel the squirrel jokes coming on.  And, I can assure you the following:

When I catch me some of that-there squirrel?  I'm making me a squirrel-tail hat first.  And then one for you.

Don't get too excited.  This could take awhile.


*We live in such an AWESOME neighborhood, that everyone immediately put on their stranger-danger radars and kept them on while Mike was gone.

**I HAD to rule my own, knife-wielding children out.  How else was I going to do this?

***A full 10 days later I still haven't heard back.  The big wheels of progress move v.e.r.y.s.l.o.w.l.y.  But, at least, now I can give them an update and they can stamp the case "CLOSED".