THE Talk

Many of you reading this blog can't imagine that adolescence is coming to your house at the speed of light. Some of you have long since passed adolescence with your children and your grands are approaching it. A couple of you might be in the throes of it and hate me for even going there.

Wherever you may be, whether you are raising a boy or a girl, I have a book to recommend: "Preparing for Adolescence" by Dr. James Dobson.

Nickels and I have been reading through the book together this summer and it has been eye-opening for both of us. From his perspective, he had NO IDEA this stuff had come/is coming down the pike. From my perspective, I had NO IDEA he was so completely unaware of how his older friends are changing.

Dr. Dobson covers the gamut: self-esteem (or lack thereof in teens), peer pressure, physical changes in puberty*, myths about love, and emotions. There is even a discussion between the doctor and several teens that concludes the book.

Now, maybe, you are squarely staring adolescence in the face and you haven't even mentioned the word SEX to your kids. And the thought of starting with Dr. Dobson sounds daunting. Where to start?

Long, long ago we started introducing Nickels and his brothers to the concept of sexuality. Thanks to a wonderful speaker I once listened to at a MOPS meeting (Mary Flo Ridley--check her out on the web), we started with very basic information about plant seeds. Then we moved to how, BY GOD'S DESIGN, our boys' bodies were equipped with life-giving seeds. As they asked questions, we provided age-appropriate answers, all the while using anatomically correct terminology.**

If you find yourself in the position of staring your child in the eyes while you are both standing, you can still use Ridley's tactics. You'll just be moving from "Apples have seeds, just like Mom and Dad do" to "Moms and Dads have seeds called eggs and sperm" at a very brisk pace.

But, it is never too late to establish those lines of communication. And, if you are starting at square one, and need pictures and illustrations that are tasteful and accurate, you might check out the "God's Design for Sex" series. Book 1 (ages 3-5) was just the ticket for The Babe; Book 2 (ages 6-8) took Hooman to the next level of understanding.***

How would you use a book designed for 3-8 year olds for your pre-teen? YOU read the book. YOU decide what pictures you need for illustration. YOU determine the course of conversation. And you HAVE IT!!

Another tactic? After your first conversation involving the books, leave them in an obvious place for your pre-teen to "accidentally" find. Trust me, if they are interested in the topic, those books will suddenly disappear.

Even though Nickels had the information from both "God's Design for Sex" 1 and 2, he gobbled them up again when they were left on the kitchen table. He even gave me his guidance on whether or not they would be appropriate for The Babe and Hooman. And he was RIGHT!

Nickels has already, at the tender age of 11, started the process of becoming a man. We're seeing the roller coaster of emotions, the overreactions, and the desire to spread his wings far and wide. I'm sure many of you are seeing the same things.

Instead of being scared of what is around the corner, why don't you join me in doing what God created you to do as a parent: be the primary source of information for your kids about sexuality.

I'm sure you don't want Hugh Hefner or the Internet or that kid down the street who has seen Basic Instinct telling your kid everything about sex. But, when kids get curious, they'll seek out information from whomever is delivering. Why not make that person YOU?

Sure, it can be embarrassing. Sure, it can be daunting. Sure, it's about as fun as an annual colon screening. But, it is necessary. And, probably most importantly, it is your job. A job you took on when God made you a parent.

So, to the glory of the one who blessed you with your own sexuality and those wonderful kids in the first place, go do the best job you can possibly do.



*This includes a discussion about boy's issues related to privates. I will let you figure out the rest, but will let you know, if you are a Mom doing this study with your son, you NEED a Daddy to help out with half of this chapter.

**Frankly, I think it is harder for parents to use the words "penis" and "vagina" than it is for a kid to hear them.

***Now I am reading Book 3 and plan to incorporate it into Nickel's summer reading list. Though it is a bit hokey, I think the message underneath is worthy. Book 4 awaits us when we are squarely in the 11-14 demographic and have the time.