Wednesday, April 20, 2011

If Dogs and Cats Could Talk

Bob: "Freakin' meow. Don't you two boneheads get it? I don't like you sniffing my butt." (Serious hiss)

Doug (wagging his tail): "Yeah? Well, your butt smells weird. So I have to get to know it about forty times daily because the odor is, well, weird."

Tex (standing behind my body, shielding himself): "Yeah. What HE said."

Bob: "Look. I know I'm the new kid on the block*, but I just want to be left the hell alone. Don't you get that? I'm a CAT. Not a DOG. Cats like alone time at least 23.99 hours of the day. I'll let you know when the .01 hours are available for us to socialize. But, if you smell my butt again? All bets are off." (Begins to walk away, figuring his work is done after the serious hiss and lengthy conversation.)

Doug (wagging his tail, moving toward Bob, because he now has a clear shot at Bob's hind end): "DUDE! Why do you smell SO WEIRD? It's like an odor from another planet. I have no idea...(interrupted by a small paw to the face and a loud MEOW.)

Bob: "I told you: NO SNIFFING."

Now, all hell breaks loose. Two dogs start chasing one cat. And the cat, smarter than both dogs put together, simply stops in the middle of the hall, turns, hisses, bats at both of them causing serious dog-back-stepping, and proceeds up the hall to his bed.

Doug: "Geez. What's his problem?"

Tex: "I dunno."

Doug: "He sure smells weird. What kind of dog IS HE?"

Tex: "I have no idea. But his food sure tastes good. Come on. Maybe Mom left it on the ironing board again?!?!"

This is a snapshot of every day in our house. I stopped trying to intervene once I realized that both dogs are scared stiff of this wisp of a claw less, tailless cat.

Honestly, once this butt-sniffing stage is over, I'm going to have another battle to fight: once Bob realizes Tex is finishing off his leftover food, the can of whoop-ass Bob opens up is going to be monumental.

I have a feeling I should have the video camera ready for THAT interaction.



*"OH, OH, OH, OH, OH. OH, OH, OH, OH. OH, OH, OH, OH, OH. The right stuff!" (Couldn't resist).

If you don't understand, you're too old/young to appreciate NKOTB anyway.

2 comments:

  1. From Papa Bear, "You should be banned from the internet for making a NKOTB reference."

    I, for one, thought it was funny.

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  2. Tell that boy that Mike has already purchased tickets to take PB to the concert.

    Mark your calendar, man, you'll be live with the fab five (and Mike) on June 26th. BONUS: The Backstreet Boys are on tap, too (I WANT IT THAT WAY!!!!!)

    ReplyDelete