Saturday, November 28, 2009

Red, White or Bordeaux?


That is NOT a phrase someone could use to describe me.

If I'm accidentally given a glass of something I can buy at the local liquor store that costs above $10, I have no idea what the "complex mellowness" is. What some would identify as "guava and pepper undertones" tastes like "grape" to me.

I am enough of a wine snob to know that I don't like tannins, the astringent in wine that makes my mouth pucker and throat sting. I hardly can begin to understand why ANYBODY would find drinking a glass of liquid acid reflux anywhere near remotely pleasant. Waiters should deliver red wine with a complimentary sample of Prevacid.

I think I was recently slammed for my lack of wine knowledge and snobbery. The comment was made that "fruity whites" would be brought for our "unsophisticated friends". OUCH. But no worries, mates. Considering my first vintage was Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink", back in the day, I'd have to say I cut my teeth on fruity vinos*.

But, I'm getting better about expanding my wine horizons. Lately I have actually enjoyed a couple of reds that didn't turn my stomach. I've learned that wine has "legs", but I'm still wondering if a wine is ever considered "full-bodied", like beer**. And I'm thinking my stock of glasses is woefully inadequate for much more than the box wine that resides in my fridge.

Alas. I think I'm headed to my grave not knowing much more than "diddly" and "squat" about wines.

But, if I keep getting a once-a-year education about the subject, I should be spot-on around the time I reach 85.

And there is nothing sexier than an educated octogenarian, is there?

*That was a night which went down in infamy. And in two weeks of grounding. And in the need for a new mattress.

**I KNOW why beer is considered "full-bodied"--once you drink it, it goes directly to your gut and stays there. Permanently. The comment is really about the drinker, not the drink.

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