Timing

When you have a child who is "behind grade level" or "not performing to his best ability" or "slightly delayed", there is this little bit of your soul that cries out "WHY me?  WHY him?"

I remember sitting in the car when I drove to Shelton to drop off Hooman's paperwork and finish the enrollment process.  I cried like a baby as I listened to Casting Crowns speak the truth to me. 

When I first listened to that song, I identified so strongly with my own worries:  I feared my little boy was facing an insurmountable task.  I heard the devils' voice reminding me of my past failure, my inability to conquer certain issues (if I couldn't even help myself, how could I help my son?)  I worried that, regardless of what school worked with my boy, that he would never be able to overcome his disabilities.

Over the course of the next year, whenever this song would play on the radio, I would turn it up as high as I could without blowing out the speakers.  I memorized the words.  I practically yelled "DO NOT BE AFRAID" as I tried to drown out the worry and fear.

I still had my moments of identifying with the perceived mountains.  And I still cried every time the song would come on.  But, I never turned it off.  And, slowly but surely, I started to cry not because of my fear,  but because I started to see God standing with me, throwing rocks at the giant and calming waves and mounting me up on eagle's wings above the problems.

And, you know what?  Hoo reads today.  He no longer reverses his letters.  He isn't going to be a "write your composition one time and be done" kid like I was, but he has spell check and he'll know how to use it.

Sure, he doesn't read for pleasure.  And he will be the first to let you know he "hates" reading.  But, he can do it.  And while I think you'd have to tickle him to the point of peeing his pants, in his weakness he would even admit he is good at it.  

We don't like our children to lag behind in anything.  We want them to be coordinated in kindergarten, when they start playing kickball on the field outside the school so they aren't the last picked.  We want them to start puberty exactly when 50% of the class is going through it so they don't have a beard when everyone else still sounds like they just sucked helium.  We want them to graduate from college in about four years, give or take a year of figuring out their best career path.

But, have you noticed that God doesn't do things on our time lines?  He has plans for each of us...“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11)...that He ordained well before we were even a whisper. 

Today, focus on that one thing that gives you hope, even in the midst of your hopelessness.  Maybe it is a Bible verse or a card of encouragement that someone sent you or a quote that you read.  Maybe it is even a song.

But, find that thing and pin it on your heart.  Memorize it.  Think back on it often.

God's timing will become evident in His time.  And, eventually, you, like me, will be able to look back on this period of growth, change, grieving, pain, suffering, and/or hurt and know that God had you right where He needed and wanted you the whole time.

Trust.  Obey.  Follow.

DO NOT FEAR....(A direct quote from God.  Believe it.)