300

Well, to be EXACT, today is 301. But, I'm writing this before post number 300 hits the blog, so I can STILL rightfully talk about 300.

300 is a perfect bowling game. Which I've never bowled.

300 is a weight that people on The Biggest Loser routinely pass on their way down.

300 is a lot of money if you are planning a small dinner but nothing if you and seven friends are dining at a five-star restaurant.

Somewhere in the late-200's, I realized that, when I posted blog entry 300, I was hitting a huge milestone.

I can't even begin to explain why I feel this way because, frankly, not even I understand it. But, I think is has something to do with a confluence of events: Mom's death, summer starting, my "Esther" Bible Study getting really good on a personal level.

What has hit me is that I should be turning my attentions toward actual writing. Not practice (which is what I've always considered this.)

This may be news to some of you: I have a secret desire to write a book. This is something that has been rolling around in my mind since my early 20's. I remember, vividly, telling my parents I would write a book in my mid-twenties.

My mid-twenties came and went. I was busy with a new career, a boyfriend who became my first husband, and partying*. No time for writing, much less a book.

My late-twenties were filled with career change, divorce, and grieving. I spent more time with my shrink than I did with anything that resembled a constructive writing instrument.

My thirties were filled with marrying my soul mate, establishing our first home, and cranking out babies. I couldn't spell "diaper" correctly, much less write a cohesive set of sentences.

Finally, I hit my forties. So far, the early part of this decade has been good for writing. This post and another blog, which only Mike is privy to, have been my writing outlet. I truly believe God used these two blogs to keep me sane while I continued raising kids in the midst of a move, a year and a half of remodeling, the death of both of my Moms and Grandmother, and home schooling.

But, now, I'm feeling that familiar tug to write something of real substance. Something meaty that will change lives. Let's face it: talking about my kid's lack of ability to hit the water in the bottom of the toilet is FUN, but it's not exactly revolutionary.

Why am I asking you to spend your time reading my life history and future plans? Because you've been faithful to read this blog. Some of you even seem to ENJOY it. And I consider you friends.

And I need you to pray for discernment and wisdom as I start what is, undoubtedly, the biggest challenge I will face. I am, truly, scared to death to start writing. That's how much I fear the failure factor.

I also know that's the Devil talking in my ear, attempting to steer me off base and keep me from what I know is a God-given call and gift.

I OWE it to God, who has carried me through a life full of failures and missteps and huge, painful lessons, and who hasn't let me go for one moment of the entire process.

I just need to take that first step.

In the meantime, I intend to continue to writing here. I just don't know what that will look like. I've tried hard to write something everyday in these first 299 posts but that may not be the pace going forward. We'll just see.

Just know that I cherish your prayers and encouragement and, gulp, criticism.

And, I hope, you'll continue coming to Not Now-ell in the future.

After all, where else are you going to get your fix of bathroom talk, crazy stories, and sarcasm from a recovering cusser?


*If you reverse the order of those things, that was my priority.