The Things I Do for $10 Gift Cards

Without giving you too much information (because, frankly, I think it violates the terms I accepted without reading them), I am a contributor to a website for a company that specializes in natural products.

I think I originally received the email invitation because Whole Foods and Natural Grocers are tracking my spending and the good people at secret company (hereby known as "X") saw the blaze of energy off my credit card and decided "She's a good candidate. She spends a small fortune in natural products. In fact, why doesn't she own our stock??? Send the prospectus!!!"

Truly, I look forward to this experience. There are several dozen women from across the United States simultaneously giving their opinion on the latest product from "X" and learning about what might be coming to market.

We also spend a good chunk of time thinking through and responding to questions about "X"'s competitors. And that led me to the funnest, most interesting, mind expanding challenge I'd had in quite a while. We were asked to "personalize" a few companies that were invited to a party.

When I write personalize, think of assigning a. gender b. marital status/parenting status c. personality d. social skills. There were no "right" answers, just opinions.

We were warned, at the outset, that this was a longer challenge than normal. I, for one, could have done this all day long. And all night long. And into the next day, when I passed out due to sleep deprivation.

And, reading that, you understand why I had such difficulty trying to make small talk in bars in my twenties. How many men do you know who are interested in whether or not Target is a gal or a guy? That's right: zero.

Anyway, Target was my first store. And here's my synopsis of it. I mean HER:

Who is Target?
Target is a woman who is in her 20's. She is hip, well-liked by her large group of friends, and has a cool job. She's not married, but she is dating one guy and may move in with him. She gives back to the community because it helps her image, not because she is a philanthropist.

What does she look like?
Young, fresh, hip. She is tall and thin and wears short, stylish heels with her trendy fashions. She always sports the latest hair cut and jewelry to compliment her vast array of outfits.

A friend wants to meet Target; how would you describe Target's personality?
Fun, outgoing, talkative.

Incidentally, most of the respondents either thought Target was "trendy", "snobby" or "friendly". I think the Bullseye gets a THUMBS-UP from the "green" crowd.

Entering our party is Wal-Mart. Uh-oh. The green crowd is about to start throwing hummus....

Who is Wal-Mart?
Wal-Mart is a elderly gentlemen who has been married many years and has many grandchildren. He is very dedicated to his family and friends. (YEAH. I read Sam Walton's biography and loved every.page.of.it. I like stories of people who see an opportunity and grab it by the horns.)

What does he look like?
He dresses to impress no one. In fact, most people wouldn't know he is worth a fortune. He gets his haircuts for under $15 and is sure to trim his nails and keep them clean (since he is a blue-collar kind of man) and his clothing, while clean, doesn't always look fresh-pressed. He is often in blue jeans, work boots, and a flannel shirt.

(In case you can't tell, this was the question where I opened the floodgates to "anything goes!" and really got creative. Or remembered what I read in the biography. Or just channeled all the visits I've made to Wallyworld over the years.)

A friend wants to meet Wal-Mart; how would you describe his personality?
Wal-Mart is "down home". Very conservative, family values-type, goes to church and hunts animals for fun.

The hummus started flying in huge, ugly chunks on that question. It was an all-out food fight. Some folks, much "greener" than I, wrote they would steer their friends to Target and not even introduce them to Wal-Mart. WOW. The hatred for Mr. Sam's company is apparent.

Guess who joined the party now? WHOLE FOODS!

Who is Whole Foods?
Whole Foods Market is a 40-something woman. She wears the latest in hippie fashions and has tattoos. She is loud, a little on the brash side at times, and is not afraid to share her opinion. She is happily single and has committed to being a single for the rest of her life after several failed relationships with both sexes. It seems like no one can make her entirely happy.

What does she look like?
Whole Foods is earthy-looking, meaning she wears little to no make-up and often her hair looks like it should have been cut to control the damage about four months ago. If she raises her arm, you'll see hair; same with her legs. She is wearing a peasant blouse, a full-length, multi-colored skirt, and sandals (for a cause).

(UM. Reading that again, I realized that actually describes one of the women that works at our local WF. I'm thinking I should buy her one of the $15 recyclable razors make of old water bottles as a Mother's Day gift....
Most of the other people saw WF as tall and sophisticated. They must be shopping at the new WF at NW Highway, where they serve wine while you shop. Great concept--drunk people = higher spending! And, you notice all the employee tattoos and nose rings a whole lot less.)

A friend wants to meet Whole Foods; how would you describe her personality?
If you don't like opinions, avoid her, because she is full of advice. She is nice enough, just on the quirky side and very set in her ways.

CRAP. I just outed myself there. That's who I see myself being in other's eyes. And, light-bulb moment! That's why I like to shop Whole Foods! BINGO BANGO.

Do Target, Wal-Mart and Whole Foods talk at the party?
Not really. They are all interested in the people who are like them. Whole Foods and Trader Joe's are doing carrot shooters together and eyeing the pita chips and marinated olives; Wal-Mart and Dollar General are drinking creme soda while eating pork rinds and talking about the increase in prices on imports from China; Target and Dillards (who crashed the party) are discussing the latest fashion trends while sipping chardonnay and eating baked brie on wheat crackers.

Little does Target know, but Dillard's is flirting with Target's boyfriend behind her back.

Who would you hang out with at the party?
Target's out--too snotty and concerned about appearances for me. And she keeps pick-pocketing me whenever I get within a few feet of her. I just don't know what she does with all that money!

Wal-Mart is too country for my taste. Plus, I don't like pork rinds.

Whole Foods won't stop complaining about my desire to spend my paycheck on the mortgage, instead of in her store.

No one to hang out with. BUMMER.

I guess I'm on my own. Once again. One More Time. By Myself. NAME THOSE LYRICS!!!*

I learned quite a bit about my perceptions of all of these companies by trying to put into words how I might see them if they "came alive".

I hadn't realized how much younger Target seems to me or how much I am clinging to the idea that Daddy Sam is still running Wal-Mart or that I relate to people who think injecting themselves with dye and allowing rampant hair growth is cool.

Just for grins, try this yourself. Where are you shopping today? And is s/he someone you'd hang out with at a party? It really adds a dimension to your buying experience (and may, in fact, change your spending patterns if you think hard enough).

CHEERS! And Happy Shopping!



*Gosh awful song from the 70's sung by Michael McDonald and some unknown chick. This goes so.much.lower than the NKOTB reference a couple of days back.