No! You? Surely You Jest!

Some of my favorite scenes in The Wizard of Oz involve the lion.

In one scene, Lion, being all cowardly and such, is hesitantly walking through the Haunted Forest with his buddies, pulling his paws to his face in fear, repeating "I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do, I do!"

I had a moment today where I realized it was time to get honest with myself and say "I do believe in ADD, I do believe in ADD. I do, I do, I do, I do believe in ADD, I do believe in ADD, I do, I do, I do, I do!"

If you've been reading this post for any period of time, you'll know I've been living in a land called "Complete, Utter, Total Denialville" regarding this issue of concentration.

Further, it should be abundantly clear to you by now that I suffer from serious issues with attention. Actually, more appropriately, I have cornered the market on "sustaining inattention for long periods of time during which nothing much gets accomplished*".

Previously, I staunchly believed that these issues were just psychological-mumbo-jumbo and that good nutrition, supplementation, exercise and, sometimes, special programs were the key that could solve the mystery behind the problem.

And when I got frustrated after trying this approach for many, many months to no avail, I sat down and Goggled 5,412 pages of research-based background notes on what causes and doesn't cause ADD/ADHD.

Now that I'm full of more knowledge about ADD than Wikipedia, I can share the following:

a. I'm classic Attention Deficit Disorder. Hyperactivity is generally added when I'm tanked up on caffeine, lack of sleep, or good conversation. Especially if I am talking with someone else who has ADD. Those discussions never contain complete sentences, finished thoughts, or clarity. But, crazy-train alert, they make sense to BOTH parties involved.

b. I've passed on these genes to at least one, if not two or three, unsuspecting boy-type folk. God bless them.

c. I strongly resemble the dogs in UP, who are constantly distracted by squirrels the viewer never sees, and Twitchy, the hyper-energetic squirrel in HOODWINKED, who swears he only drinks decaf**/***.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do with this newly acquired knowledge. If I could figure out how to channel it, I would have the cleanest house on the block, three months worth of dinners in the freezer, and time to lay in the hammock. All within one twenty-four hour period of time.

As it stands, at quarter til eight in the evening, I have need of a patient housekeeper with little-to-no gag reflex, time to run to the grocery store to figure out dinner for this evening, and no chance for hammock time.

Unless I can get ahold of a Red Bull.....hmmmmmmmmm. SQUIRREL!!


*The * I use so much in these posts is proof of this problem. These little additions to the writing are generally bunny trails my brain goes down when I'm telling a story. Kind of like when I talk to people and say "That reminds me" and go completely off topic. Then I have to beg the person I'm talking to to remind me where I went off-roading in the conversation so I can remember what I was talking about to begin with. Geez I'm annoying.

**Being there is a squirrel connection in here, I should make a pithy connection. But, my brain is just too fried from learning about ADD to do it.

***YEAH, RIGHT, Twitchy. I've got YOUR number.