Big, Stinkin', Odd-Looking, Tasty Animal

Call me crazy, but since I have been deprived of eating good old-fashioned cow meat on a regular basis for over a year, I get excited at the prospect of finding a good replacement.

And find one I did.

Bison/buffalo is the new cow. At least in our household*.

And I found the pinnacle of hot dogs, a'la bison, a couple of weeks ago. Sadly, my migraine prone little guy, after wolfing down three monster dogs in three days, developed a really severe headache.

He was heartbroken, thinking his new gastronomic love was rejecting him. And, since I didn't have a complete list of all the ingredients, I had to go on a hunt.

I discovered that Whole Foods repackages these dogs. And they throw away the original packaging, with the ingredient label, after they chunk the meat on a white styrofoam board, cover it in cellophane, and slap on a price label that makes my checkbook cringe.

So, I needed the name of the manufacturer. "No problem!" said the lovely butchers, who gladly gave me contact information**. Orally.

Two aisles over, I forgot the name. No amount of straining my brain produced results. And I was way too ashamed to admit my failure and return to the meat counter. So I left the store, vowing revenge on my short-term memory.

One week passed. Migraine boy began asking about, and begging for, the "awesome" hot dogs.

So I did what any ADD riddled Mom would do: I grabbed the phone book, called a Whole Foods across town, and talked to a butcher I had never seen, will never see, and who didn't think I was insane for forgetting the information he gave me within 30 milliseconds of hearing it.

Manufacturer's name in hand, I sent an email. And I was pleasantly surprised that, about 24 hours later, I had an answer. At least, once I got past the following...

This was the subject line of the response: "Bison Wieners".

Truly, I had forgotten I sent the original email. And when this popped up in my Inbox, several things happened:

1. I thought: "My spam filter is obviously on the fritz" and "Pornography should be ILLEGAL. That is absolutely disgusting."

2. I started laughing hysterically. So hard I snorted.

3. I looked at the email and realized that the person who sent it didn't speak English as his first language. Judging by the number of consonants and lack of vowels in his name, he was probably Polish. And, apparently, in that lovely country, the word "wieners" just isn't that funny.

But, all's well that end's well: I discovered that, indeed, bison hot dogs are not full of headache-producing ingredients and I now have a very, very happy son.

Me? I still giggle on the inside when I think of the email.

But, I chortle with a belly full of big, stinkin', odd-looking, tasty bison in it.



*Like his aversion to eating all things fish, Mike isn't hip on this concept.

**I could sing the praises of Whole Foods til the cows came home. Of course, they'd be organic, grain-fed, highly pampered cows.