Observations of an Off-Balance Woman

As I'm polishing off the tasty, seventy carb Taco Bueno burrito, I'm people watching in the parking lot of Whole Foods.*

I always knew I was shopping with some pretty odd folks. This five-minute observation just bore that out. In droves.

My favorite sighting had to be the Dad/son combo. They arrived in a rather sad looking four-door sedan and starting unloading five gallon plastic water bottles.

Several minutes later they were poised to walk their two bottle-full shopping carts into the market. To refill their blue plastic beauties with "wholesome", oxygen-enriched, reverse osmosis, hoity-toity, water.

And this is where it got good. As they were walking, Dad lit up a big, honking cigarette. About 100 feet from the entrance to the store. I almost choked on my saturated fat burrito of a dinner.

Really. I got that what I was eating was, potentially, creating a ticking time bomb in my body.

But I KNEW what he was smoking was WAY WORSE than what I was chewing.

(Let me take a short pause here to remove the plank from my eye. That is, before I continue talking about the speck in Mr. Smokerman's.)

I guess this is as much an observation about what I consider "bad" as it is anything else.

I grew up in the seventies, when the public schools were scaring the life out of elementary kids so we wouldn't smoke. So, instead we drank.

The kid's who grew up in the eighties and nineties had the tar scared out of them about alcohol and drugs. So, they had sex.

With Jamie Oliver opening up a can of whoop ass on the American diet here recently, this generation of kids is going to be all "Food Police" on us. They may not eat brie when they are in the thirties, but I bet they enjoy a good stoggie every once in a while.

And isn't that really what it's all about? Moderation?

I mean, come on! As long as you don't burn down the house while smoking in bed, eating your burrito, and having sex, it's all good.

Right?



*I hope they didn't catch me on surveillance camera. I'd hate to be banned from the store for have non-organic, contraband food near the premises.