Dental Conundrums

I recently called our dental insurer to inquire as to exactly the kind of dental insurance we now have. PDO? MDO? Rip-off? Just need to know because I'm being asked whenever I make a phone call to try to schedule my own dental appointments.

Now calling any department in an insurance company is tantamount to showing up at the DMV on a Friday afternoon between 3:30-5:00pm. Not a good idea. You can be sure you are going to wait. And wait. And wait some more.

And, I did. For about 20 minutes. Only to be told the "computers" were acting funny and our policy wasn't downloading properly. So the person on the other end of the line couldn't see what kind of plan we are paying out the wazoo for.

So, forward I plodded, thinking I'd try another route. I called the dental office Mike and I have used for several years now. My brain reasoned "They should be able to access the policy online and see what is going on."

A little interruption for background information is important here. When we first started visiting this office, the dentist was a sweet old man. Emphasis on the OLD. He probably capped Adam and Eve's teeth at some point.

A couple of years after we started seeing him, he brought in an associate. And Mike's "money-dar"* went up and started beeping. I never felt an ounce of hesitation, of being ripped off, but Mike sure did.

It wasn't long after that that the associate took over the office. Mike's money-dar broke after that, because it couldn't handle the stress caused by dental bills and the possibility of being ripped off. He was sure he was being over billed for services he didn't need. He was sure the way widowed men in their 80's are sure that every woman who shows interest in them is "out to get their money". It got so bad he started practically refusing dental care.

But, back to my conversation with said dental office.

I called in, identified myself as an existing patient, explained I had a new insurance card, and wanted to confirm the dental office would accept the insurance.

The girl on the other end of the line said "Have you called your insurance company or checked online to see if we are on their list?"

ME: "I tried but I don't know the exact kind of policy we carry."

GIRL: "What kind of policy is this?"

ME Thinking: "Didn't I just say I don't KNOW?"

ME: "Well, I was hoping you could help with that. The screens for customers aren't showing the type of policy and without that information I can't tell which list to consult. I understand you can access this information, even though I can't."

GIRL: Slight pause "Well. I can put you on my To-Do List and get back with you in, oh, I don't know, a day and a half?"

ME: "Won't this just take a second, though?" I'm CLEARLY confused. When I show them my ID and insurance card at a regularly scheduled appointment, they produce a long list of what they plan to do and what my card will pay for. I'm then left with the daunting task of deciding if we should shoulder the debt for this visit or be able to buy groceries for the week.

GIRL: "We have a new computer system and I am SO FAR BEHIND. Would you like me to check for you and call you back?"

ME: Picking chin off floor so my tongue will contact the roof of my mouth and my response will be coherent. "You know. That's OK. I'll check back with the insurance company. And, I'll call you.**" I said that last sentence nice and slowly. The way you do when you are talking with someone who is one roll short of a full bread basket.

GIRL: Whose voice registered relief that she didn't have to put me on her To-Do List. Poor child clearly didn't interpret slow talk as sarcasm. "Well, OK. Have a good day."

Wow. Is this what we've been reduced to? Calling for help and getting put on some body's To-Do List? Really. Did Universal HealthCare pass while I was busy in the toilet? That's about the only thing that would explain why someone, in this lousy economic environment, would knowingly pass up the chance to schedule a long-term customer. Cripe, she even had the chance to shuck my call off on a co-worker. And she didn't!

Come on, people. I expect this in every government office I enter. When I am in and out of the post office in five minutes, I do the happy dance. Motor Vehicles? Thirty minus or less is reason for celebration. But a 36 hour delay to find out if the sorry dental office will accept my insurance? PUH-LEEZ.

Needless to say, we are finding a new dentist.

And I'll schedule appointments. Once I figure out what friggin' dental plan we are on.


*Money-dar is Mike's financial radar that tells him when money is being sucked, unnecessarily, out of his wallet.

**In case you don't know me very well, that's code for "You'll never be hearing from me again because I am tired of dealing with this junk and you are complicating my life and the last thing I need is more complication in my life."