A Partial Argument for Hating-on the Media....

I'm positive my son has been sneaking around watching the "Nightly News" behind our backs because, otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to even put the words "swine" and "flu" in the same sentence.

I can though: "If you kiss a pig or a chicken, you might get a "special" flu that causes people to go hysterical when their kid runs a 99.1 degree fever."

Below are actual emails between one son's school and me. Names and locations have been changed to protect the innocent.

Email number one:
From: Sweet Teacher
Subject: Question
To: SWINEFLUFAMILY@EMAIL.COM
Date: Thursday, September 10, 2009, 12:20 PM

Hi MOMMAJ,
Your son mentioned this morning during prayer time that his younger brother has the swine flu. He also said many of his cousins have the swine flu right now. I wanted to first of all run this by you to see if this is true. If so, is your youngest son contagious? I don’t know a whole lot about swine flu, but I know we want to take every precaution to keep it away from school. I told your son to wash his hands a WHOLE lot these next few days. If he shows any signs whatsoever of swine flu, please keep him home.

I will be calling next week all the moms to check in about homework. I hope it is going well so far. Your son is such a reader - I hope his love of reading continues all year long! Have a great afternoon.

Sweet Teacher


Response Email:
I'm not sure where my son went to school to diagnose his brother, but I think we owe that institution a check for education expenses :)

We don't know exactly what the Babe has, though he does have a high fever and it started around 10pm last night. His cousin was sick this weekend; though originally it appeared to be his "usual" seasonal sinus infection kicking in, I talked with my sister-in-law last night and he is just returning to school today. His sister, our niece, has had the same symptoms and is still home today. Neither of the kids went to the doctor for diagnosis, so I can't tell you what they contracted, just that it took about five days before they were able to return to school.

Both brothers have had a minor, hacking cough during the day. It is not keeping them up at night and neither has (or had) a runny nose, fever, body aches, nausea, vomiting, lack of appetite, etc., from the list of swine flu symptoms.

At this point, the only symptom the Babe has is fever. As is usual with fever, he doesn't want much to eat or drink. He is sleeping some but mostly watching cartoons and movies, just to keep him quiet and give him needed rest. If the symptoms change or if we end up in the doctor's office and get a diagnosis, I'll let you know.

Now we just need to be sure that "Dr. Brother" doesn't spread hysteria to anybody else.....

Thanks for your concern. MommaJ


Here's the truth. Unless this conversation ensues:

"Mom? OINK. I'm HOT. OINK."

And I do this:
"MIKE?! I think he definitely has the swine flu."

And he says this:
"I agree."

Then we won't be going to spend $125 on a visit to the doctor to learn what type of flu we have, followed by a visit to the pharmacy to get meds we probably don't need.

Let's face it, those of us who have the privilege of visiting the pediatrician KNOW that you face a wildly high probability of picking up some random strain of yet ANOTHER condition when you enter the "sick" side of the waiting room. Plus, there's enough green snot and yellow eye discharge to make triage nurses hurl.

Really, I'm happy watching "Dirty Jobs" and getting my gross-out for the week via the hi-sterical Mike Rowe. It pleases me NOT to be within five feet of such disgusting things or have smell-o-vision in my life. Truly, "Dirty Jobs" is the show that could be filmed in the throwing-up-out-of-our-noses side of the sub-teen doctor's suite. I don't have to experience the real thing when the divine Mr. Rowe is doing the heavy lifting for me.

So, no diagnosis, dear readers, at least not this time. Stay tuned, though; Fall is upon us and the season is long.

PS: Approximately 36 hours after this incident began, Babe is running through the house, talking NON-STOP, eating like a hungry teenager. All accomplished with copious hours of cartoons in Mom and Dad's bed*, children's Tylenol every four hours, entirely too much "juice"**, and LONG naps.

Hold your applause, please.


*Which has since been fumigated.

**Actually, XXX Vitamin Water. Don't ask. Just try it and be sure to read the very funny bottle commentary. And don't blame me if you get hooked.