Carpool Manners

Dear Lady-ahead-of-me-in-the-carpool-line-who-isn't-aware-that-the-fourteen-cars-ahead-of-you-have-moved-and-you-are-blocking-the-rest-of-us-from-moving-forward,

There is this little law on the books that says, "when you are in a school zone, you can't talk on a hand-held cell phone." Apparently you are related to the person who thought it was proper to bring her "dog in a bag" to school earlier last week, because it seems the rules don't apply to you, either.

Normally, I wouldn't even think to mention this, but you are blocking my sorry butt and I am late*. Thus, you make me, and everyone behind me, later. And this just has the effect of pissing off the teachers who put up with our children all day long. God Bless them. The teachers, I mean. And the children, too. But, mostly the teachers who put up with the children.

I knew it was bad when the division secretary thought it appropriate to point out, via email to the ENTIRE SCHOOL, that we have "work to do on carpool--don't we?". In case you don't speak satire, I'll translate: THAT WAS SARCASM with a capital S. She was trying to be nice, but the sassy side of her slipped out with the "don't we" comment. In my opinion, it's BAD when the issue reaches the secretary and even SHE is hacked off about it.

Should this unfortunate incident EVER occur again, the bumper sticker slogan "hang up and drive" will be tattooed to your forehead by whomever you are blocking. I'll gladly pay for this service, but I'm sure there will be overwhelming support for this action and I'll be able to raise "ink" funds from the entire carpool queue.

Why a tattoo, you may wonder? Because I don't trust this won't happen again. And when someone behind you lays on the horn, you'll be forced to look in the rear view mirror and be reminded
a. you are on the phone, AGAIN
b. you need to hang-up, NOW
c. your gas guzzler needs to move FORWARD

Future warnings will be in ink. Permanent ink. In a shade that doesn't match your complexion.

Thank you for your cooperation,
Cranky Mom and all the other parents you blocked yesterday

*As usual.