Nectar of the Gods

"Hi. My name is Jill. And I'm an addict."
"Hi, Jill."
"It's been (looking at my watch) two hours and two minutes since I had sugar."

The audience gasps. One man hangs his head ashamed for me. I look around the room wondering if I can get ahold of sugar before I hit the two hour and thirty minute mark.

YUP, readers. You're hearing it first. I'm a sugar addict.

I think of sugar the way Bubba thought of shrimp in Forrest Gump. Brown sugar, white sugar, cane sugar, honey sugar, maple sugar...the list is long and it is YUMMY.

In fact, as I was thinking about sugar*, I COMPLETELY understand why I'm altogether addicted to it. Check out the short list of things made with sugar I don't like:

1. Licorice. When a candy is so heinous that giant board game maker, Milton Bradley, names a bad guy after it, that must mean I join A LOT of people hatin' on licorice.**

2. Tiramisu. Never got this one, taste or texture wise. Considering it combines both sugar AND liquor, you'd think I'd be a raving fan.

3. Tapioca pudding. It's the tapioca, not the pudding, that kills it for me.

4. Root beer. My cousin once shot this stuff out of his nose at a holiday gathering because he was laughing so hard. Never been the same since.

THAT'S IT. Everything else is fair game! Sadly, that's why I have a telling paunch in my mid-section that disapproves of the little tango of love I do with the Nectar of the Gods.

You'd think, by now, I'd have given up sugar for good, since I've done it SO MANY TIMES. Truth be told, I've tried to do without it almost every Lent since my mid-20's***. I've always started giving up the sweet stuff in Lent because 40 days is enough time to cleanse my body of all the built-up sugar goo. It also has a hard deadline: Easter. The bad thing about Lent is that the deadline IS Easter, one of the three biggest candy holidays known to civilization. After doing without it's syrupy goodness for so long, it never seems like it will "hurt" to have a little piece of the traditional "Bunny cake" I make every year. Or a Cadbury egg. Or a couple of Peeps*.

Problem is, I fall off the wagon easily. It only takes a little, itty bit of sugar to cascade me back into a position of my life being dominated by sucrose.

Looking at the calendar, if I start now, I could leave my sweet lover for awhile and try to move forward without him for a Lent-length of time. Let's see, that would be quitting until early October. Then I'd have to make it through the State Fair (funnel cakes), Halloween (candy and candy apples), Thanksgiving (pie), Christmas (Mrs. Johnson's toffee), and Valentine's Day (truffles), before getting to Lent again.

WOW! That's one heck of a hurdle.....

I'll get started, right after I finish my cane-sweetened, high-fructose injected Coca-Cola.

"Hi. I'm Jill."





*And consuming it, as well.

**Lord Licorice, from Candy Land.

***There was that one, miserable year, after my divorce, that I gave up sugar, caffeine, AND chocolate. There are still people licking wounds from that stroke of genius.

*I hate Peeps, as a rule, because they have a shelf-life equivalent to a Twinkie (which IS NOT a compliment.) HOWEVER, if nothing else with sugar is available, I'll stoop to Peep level.