Dog in a Bag

Dear Lady, who thought it appropriate to bring your dog INTO my son's school on the first day,

As a rule, dogs are considered a pet, not a child. Considering you have four children of your own, I should hope you can appreciate the difference.

In case you can't:
a. a dog has fur. Your children don't, as a rule, unless they develop the unfortunate werewolf syndrome. In which case, you'll need to invest in a good vacuum cleaner. And a psychologist. For the dog. Who will be totally freaked out.

b. a dog barks. Yes, your children probably do this, too, at times. But, they, unlike the dog, yap in English. If you feel you "understand" what your dog is saying, thinking or doing, please make an appointment for both yourself AND the dog to see a shrink.

c. a dog is indiscriminate about where it potties. I'm hopeful that your kids, being of school-age, know where/what is appropriate. If not, hook them up with the shrink, too.

d. a dog is considered a health hazard in restaurants. Your children aren't, I hope.

When you arrived in the classroom, with your dog in a designer bag specifically for spoiled rotten "wittlewumpsofwove", you broke so many rules I can't even begin to count. The Mom who commented to you "I don't think they allow dogs in the school" spoke for all of us.

PLEASE. I beg you. Next year, take your dog, pay the $35 fee with your American Express card, and leave it in "doggy daycare" for the morning. Because we really don't need the kids jumping up out of their seats to come pet your "sweetums". It belongs with the other, pampered doggies of the world.

Thank you for understanding that we all saw through this little attempt of a power-grab on day one and that, yes, we all noticed you. Next year, please just volunteer to be room Mom. It would be so much less obvious.

Now that you've accomplished your goal, please let that dog out of it's bag before it poos all over the interior. Try as I might, I can't find anyone in the Yellow Pages in the Park Cities who will clean THAT up.

Most respectfully,
The other parents at the school