Anger

I had never thought of anger as a "...charged, morally neutral, emotional response of protective preservation" until reading a book by pastor Chip Ingram.  This statement was such a revelation to me that I had to read the sentence over and over again until I could ingest it.  Then, I had to read it to Mike to see if he had the same "Wow" reaction (He did).

My understanding of anger came from years of watching people around me.  The following were understood in my brain:

Anger is loud.
Anger is frequent.
Anger doesn't deal with emotion, it stuffs it.
Anger is negative.
Anger is scary and menacing.
Anger reminds you later of why it was angry to begin with.
Anger is passive.
Anger is aggressive.
Anger blames those around it.
Anger doesn't go away easily;  it hangs around indefinitely because it never gets resolved.
Anger loosely apologizes but it never asks for forgiveness.
Anger is bad.

The book Overcoming Emotions That Destroy:  Practical Help for Those Angry Feelings That Ruin Relationships came to me late in life, almost by mistake.  I had listened to Pastor Ingram speaking on the radio and he mentioned this book, one he had just finished writing.  I jotted the gist of the title on a scrap of paper, so it wouldn't flee my brain.  And then that piece of paper floated away, the way smallish scraps like to, into a very deep debris pile.

A couple of years later, I ran across that reminder and immediately ordered the book.  I became engrossed almost from the first page;  it was like reading about the years in my life I wasted being trapped by my angry, unproductive responses.

I had no concept that the Bible allows for anger (even Jesus got angry, for heaven's sake!) but, not for the sin that comes out of anger.
I had no idea how much unresolved anger was trapped inside of me.
I had no clue that the busy life I had created was actually causing me to feel out-of-control and that my means of controlling the chaos often was anger.

Every chapter contained closing questions that forced me to think about my life and how anger played a role in it.  I left every chapter feeling I'd had an "AH HA!" moment that, for the first time in my life, was ushering me towards being able to use my anger in productive ways.  I felt I was going to be able to claim victory over the beast that had ridden shotgun with me all my life.

An unintended consequence of examining my own anger was now understanding other people and their anger as well.  I could finally see those who were passive-aggressive, who stuffed their emotions, who spewed their hatred all over other people.  Yet, it was though I was simultaneously blind;  until those whose anger was misplaced, inappropriately used, self-damaging, relationship-splitting could see it for themselves, it was of no use that I could point it out to them.  So, I didn't.  I started praying for them, instead.

God has demonstrated to me, over and over again, that forgiveness and love are supreme.  When I am able to focus on those qualities, I am a better person.  I can walk in His counsel and accomplish the goals He set before me because my frame of reference is right.

Satan, on the other hand, has tried to counsel me that vengeance is mine and I am unlovable.  When I focus on those qualities, I got angry;  I stay angry at others and redirect the anger within myself onto others.  I walk away from, instead of toward, God;  I get stuck in the mire of hatred and self-loathing that Satan is happy to continuously distill in me.

I haven't read much in the past year or two, but this book managed to get read cover-to-cover during a time when life could have been all about anger and hatred.  I can only credit God for putting this book in my hands, at the very right time (a time when I would FINALLY GET IT), and leading me gently down the path of understanding my own anger, asking for forgiveness, and accepting Christ's very generous gift of forgiveness for myself.

Thanks be to a God who can accomplish all that in the life of a very lowly sinner.