No Money-Back Guarantee, Just a Good Old-Fashioned Lesson

Recently, we (not the royal we, but the hubby and I, collectively) gave a gift to a friend who really seemed to be in a tough spot.

When I saw the opportunity to bless this person as I went through our calendar and budget, I didn't hesitate to ask Mike what he thought.  He admitted he had thought the same thing.  And so, as usual, when we find ourselves on the same page regarding an issue, we move forward. 

In case you missed it, I used the word "gift" about this transaction, which should translate "something given voluntarily without payment in return".  But, because Facebook exists and I can see what this person is doing, day in and day out (sometimes hour by hour...), I can also see that the situation we viewed as dire was, in fact, not so.  It seems that friend is out on the town many times per month, doing things we Nowells have deemed "outside of the budget" for us as a couple/family.

Honestly, this last dinner to event just about threw me over the edge.  The budget I have for my entire family, for the entire month of September, probably couldn't have covered this one couples-only evening, much less the many events I had already seen throughout the month.  I'll admit it:  I got angry.

Angry because I felt, in some small way, that I had given to someone who didn't really have a need but accepted the gift anyway.  I felt jealous that "proper" dates, where Mike and I dress up and go out just as a couple, seem to have gotten swallowed up by life.  Honestly, I wanted my money back. 

And this is where the reality hit me.  This is where I had to stare the ugly truth in the face:  sometimes I just don't give freely.

When I hand a dollar to the beggar on the street, I pray he will use it well and that he won't end up with a can in a paper bag with my money.  But, I give anyway.

When I write a check to a charity I trust and send it off, I pray the CEO won't abuse his/her privilege and that the greatest portion of the money will go to the work the charity supports.  I wonder about this sometimes, but I give anyway.

When I donate to the church, I pray that the vestry and clergy will find the best place to spend the money and that they spend in a way that preserves as much of the contribution as possible for the budget line that reads "missions".  But, I don't give it as much as a second thought most days, and I give anyway.


Somehow, I can easily give to those I won't see again or I'll likely never meet in person or those who have to be accountable for my gift.  But, to those I'm closest?  Those who I'll see in person and follow on Facebook and talk to on the phone?  Those who have no responsibility to account for the gift or tell me whether or not they loved it?  That is so much harder. 

When I look myself in the mirror on this issue, I'm frankly ashamed.  The blessings I have in this life are ridiculous.  They are over-the-top.  They are so above what I need or could have dreamed or expected.  And every last one of them is a gift.

My whole life is a gift. 

And I have the nerve to whine over a paltry few dollars that I am able to give?

Shame.on.me.

The ultimate gift was given to me when Christ died for me.  He knew, going in, that I could choose to walk away from Him.  He knew I could decide His gift wasn't enough.  He knew I could reject Him for eternity.  Yet, still, He gave freely.

May God give me a heart to do the same.

And, may He forgive me for my selfishness, jealousy, and judgmental attitude as well. 

Amen.