See, late last week we were summoned to see all of Nickel's teachers. And the principal. That meeting is to take place tomorrow morning. And we have oscillated from "I'm glad we can get together and talk about our son" to "Why HIM?" back to "Maybe this is for the best".
Honestly, this has plagued Mike so much more than it has me. Because Nickels, from all of my in-laws accounts, is his Daddy's mini me. A snapshot of what Mike used to be like in seventh grade. And the journey from "Good gravy, Hell hath descended on earth" to "WE MADE IT THROUGH!" for his parents was long and hard and left battle scars.
There was a moment on that path through adolescence when my father-in-law looked at Mike and frankly told him "I love you but I don't LIKE you right now". We have been able to relate to that phrase on a very frequent basis lately though we have yet to put voice to it.
So, knowing that our son is going to be stubborn, forgetful, and irresponsible, on top of having some wicked good attention problems, didn't come as a surprise to us. He is just reliving the path his father took. And, projecting Nickels into the future, should he continue his mini me ways, he is going to turn out better than fine. He is going to shine.
All that meant we weren't worried about the future. But, clearly, there was enough worry coming from the school that they felt the need to share.
And that is where I admit that my attitude about Nickels and school has been this. But, letting go and letting mistakes happen is so much easier when you aren't having to actually PRACTICE it. The attitude of letting the school of hard knocks deal out its blows still resides in me; the need to show the world that my kid CAN do all that is being asked of him just keeps kicking me in the groin. And, still, I haven't learned.
This morning brought the drawing of a line in the sand by God to me. He very clearly, calmly and succinctly let me know that Nickels is who he is. That isn't going to change but my heart and my head need to.
All these years, I have been working on the assumption that I had two children with learning disabilities. That Nickels, somehow, managed to dodge the bullet. This morning I woke to the realization that I have THREE children with learning disabilities. Two who attended Shelton and one who took a path into classical Christian education starting in second grade. A son who has struggled in that environment almost since the beginning.
I'm coming to the realization that there is a place that will gladly accept a squirmy, forgetful, charming, loving, slightly immature boy. I'm hopeful that his current school is the place. But, for the first time, my heart is prepared to make a change if needs be because I now understand, to the marrow of my bones, that God created a needy child and blessed us with him. And God is prepared to take us, and him, to a place of acceptance and love and learning that will FIT. I just have to be open to change if change is the answer.
And I am so there. I wish you could see me now, because I am crying because I'm THERE. These aren't tears of regret, these are tears of hope and understanding and anticipation. I FINALLY GET IT.
It's time to let the square peg find the square hole, not try to shove it through a round hole, screaming the entire time. It is time to recognize that our oldest is incredibly gifted and incredibly plagued by attention issues all at the same time. Socially, he is stunted. He has been labeled with a nickname that hurts his feelings yet he doesn't fight back because of who his is. Physically he is growing taller but not showing signs of becoming a man or maturing the way the other boys are.
But, it is time to stop hammering him for who his is and love him for the Pig-Pen* like qualities that he brings to the table, dirty cloud, greasy hair and unbrushed teeth included. He is who he is, right in this moment, at this age, with these issues, and with parents who will love him to the depths of the sea and the height of the sky and right back. And we are not willing to give up on him, even when others try to tell us we should because he doesn't fit their mold.
Folks, our son is freakin' going to crack that mold into ten-thousand pieces and glue it painstakingly back together to fit him. And we, his parents, are going to help.
So, pray that tomorrow we come to a place of understanding with the school. Pray that we are all respectful about who Nickels is and who he can be and not try to place labels on him that hold him back or throw him away. Pray that judgment about Nickels is left at the door and that honest conversation about what can be expected, and NOT expected, would clarify if we are in the right place for him.
And please pray for that one special friend to come along. Someone who GETS Nickels. Who understands that he isn't chatty, unless it is about video games or movies. Who knows that he may be impulsive and scattered but who loves him anyway. Someone who like Nickels just for who he is.
Above all, join me in thanking God that we were blessed with our sweet, kind, loving boy Nickels. When I think about how close we were to losing him in those first, tender moments of his life, it crushes me; I can't imagine our family or my life without him.
"Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him." Psalm 127:3
(Notice, there are no caveats....)
*Pig-Pen "retired" from the Peanuts comics three days after Nickels was born. Do you think Charles Schulz KNEW?
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