Winking, Part Two

"Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him.  This is faith and obedience in action." --Dr. Charles Stanley, Pastor of First Baptist Church, Atlanta, Georgia 

Today was the day I found out God sometimes winks slyly.  As if he has a secret that He is about to unload on you.  One you aren't sure you want in on, but you can't help but beg to hear.

Next time?  I'm going to mind my own business.  And stay out of messes like this.  OK, God?

See, one of the boys purposefully put the hurt on a classmate because said classmate had been verbally rude to our boy during the first few months of school. 

To say I was disappointed was an understatement. Then I wondered if I had dropped the ball;  I intervened when I knew about the situation and it seemed to have been taken care of, but were there signs along the way that I had missed?  Was I supposed to done something more?  Seen something that I didn't?  And, why did it take so long for my son to bring this to our attention? So many questions that all pointed to my failure.

But, somehow, I doubted it was really all about me.  After all, this is our son who likes to stuff his feelings and let them fester a while before they come spewing out of him like hot lava.  He isn't your "let's deal with this presently and then promptly let it go" dude.  He doesn't fall far from him Momma's tree on that one (though I have made tons of progress in this regard.)  And, surely, this was an area where God was doing heart work, work to correct our son's very inner motivations. 

But that's the thing with God.  He usually doesn't just teach my children something without taking my elbow, turning me in the right direction, and flashing me a grin that says "I think you meant to go THIS way, correct?" 

Yup.  He's sly alright.  

Check this:  just the night before last, the Mom on the other side of this equation and I were gloating about the fact that we got the easy part of Mothering because boys were SO.MUCH.EASIER.TO.RAISE.THAN.GIRLS.

Translation:  A mad boy today is a boy who is making fart jokes tomorrow with the same person who made him mad today.  Girls, on the other hand?  Still mad thirty years later.  And, they'll cut you with their eyes.

Yes, that sound is God laughing at both of us as we figured out that boys can cut you, too.

Needless to say, there was a really good lesson on the ills of revenge to be had here, one I jumped on the opportunity to share.  And son was receptive and repentant and ready to hear that forgiveness and love fall under our human job description;  God has our backs when it comes to vengeance.

I sincerely hope that this is the beginning of brother understanding that stooping to the level of the person who is plaguing you is NOT the way to live life.  The world will try to tell him at every step that this is the way to play life.  But, he learned tonight that that is simply not the truth.

And the beauty?  I didn't have to lecture him, I simply asked how it felt now that he had done the deed.  Was he satisfied?  Did he feel "better"?  No.

Then I asked if he wanted to know the effect on the other little boy in the situation.*  Meekly, he said he did want to know.  And telling him that he had caused someone else to cry and be very sad and not want to continue being his friend about crushed him.

This whole event ended with a quick trip over to friend's house, where forgiveness was asked and a promise made to "cover" friend's back should our son hear any of the other boys making jokes based on our son's mistake.

All-in-all, it was mortifying but freeing.  We don't often think of having to talk with our children about exacting revenge.  But, I believe our society has become one where offense is easily taken, trash-talk is acceptable, and forgiveness is a quaint word that most people don't even begin to understand.

We need to stem the tide of this thinking, as Christians.  It is our duty to make sure our kids are prepared for the negative feelings they have when someone treats them poorly.  Their first thoughts should never be revenge.  Instead, they should be about the other person and how to be a balm for his/her weary soul.

We need to educate our kids and let them know that not everyone is going to want to be their friend and some might even be out to hurt them.  But, as aliens in this world, that, in a nutshell, is the commitment we make as Christians walking planet Earth.  It is, by no means, easy.  But, it is what we ascribe to as Bible-believing people.

This job of raising kids, whether they be female or male, is the hardest work in the universe, as far as I can tell.  It is emotionally-draining, financially-demanding, and socially-deadening at times.  The rewards, though sometimes few and far between, are always worth the work.

I'm pretty sure this is one of a bazillion lessons I am about to learn as we approach adulthood with our three boys.

I, for one, am glad to have God on my side to help me figure out the direction I need to take, the counsel I need to give, and when to just shut my trap.



*Mom had called and explained her son's side of the story earlier in the day, along with the heartbreaking details on how her son responded in carpool.