Weight Loss the Hard Way

As if my body wasn't revolting enough with the cleanse being in day 14, I developed a stomach bug.

Thankfully, I wasn't throwing up my toenails, I just felt like someone had punched me in the gut with a steel glove. For two days. In bed was I.*

So, on top of the over-the-top process of realigning my body to crave all that is right, good, and green, I also managed to fast.

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart. WHERE? Down in my heart. Down in my heart.**

Now that I've made it back out of bed, I can rightfully say that everything that transpired in the last 48 hours was just flat WRONG.

I take back all those times I've said "The best way to lose weight is to get eerily close to the face of someone with the flu so they'll send their germs your way."

No, no. Fasting via the flu is some sort of medieval form of torture that was legal, easily put on display for the pagans, and WORKED. I totally would have admitted to being a witch for a mere scrap of food that wouldn't have made me gag.

The best way to lose weight is definitely the old-fashioned way: never gain it in the first place.

Notice how well that's worked for Ms. Roller Coaster Weight Girl.

Since I can't take my own advice, then let me end with some good advice: if you ever find yourself in the middle of a cleanse and get the flu, call me.

Not only will I be able to relate, but I'll also bring you the biggest piece of chocolate cake I can manage to carry.

Trust me: you'll deserve it.




*Channeling my inner Yoda.

**Apparently my brain thinks in musicals, because this particular song popped into my head in response to the cleanse/fast combo.