Safe, From a Distance

Things I've been noodling:

1. When Jesus decided to stay behind in Jerusalem with the teachers while the rest of the folk and his parents traveled into the desert, and Mary and Joseph searched for him for four whole days, his response to very worried but relieved Mary was equivalent to "MOMMMM? Of course I was with the teachers. DUH."*

But, when I read on, the next part of the verse says they went to Nazareth and he was obedient to his parents.

I just want to know: who spanked the child of God? Or, was it a good tongue lashing instead?

2. Why didn't God create cold, flu and allergy season to attack us during the summer, when we'd rather stay inside anyway? Why ruin the BIG holidays with all the coughing, vomiting, and blowing?

3. If I can get zits at 44, just like when I was a teenager, why can't I eat like I'm still a teenager? At my age, any zit should be a bargaining tool: one zit = an ice cream cone that won't cause me to gain an ounce or bloat like a dead animal.

4. If I had been Eve, pre-snake-encounter, and lived in THE GARDEN, would brussel sprouts have tasted as good as carrot cake with cream cheese frosting?

5. Why do people always say "Fine" when you ask how they are doing, then launch into a long sermon on how horrible their lives have become? Isn't saying "My life is crap" from the get go a little more honest?

6. Does it bother anybody else that some of the kettle ringers for The Salvation Army act like your best buddy when you walk in the store and your worst enemy when you leave without contributing? Shouldn't it be "Merry Christmas" regardless?

7. It bugs me to no end when the carhop at Sonic thinks my change is THEIR tip, without even offering to give it back. One time, the carhop started to turn away and I asked for my change back. Even her skates gave me a DIRTY look!

Hello? There is a Salvation Army ringer across the street I'm trying to get off my back and I have to have SOMETHING.....



*With the obligatory eye roll.