Godspeak

So, today, I let an issue get to me. The comment I read probably wasn't directed at me but, regardless, it got under my skin.

So, I sat down, prayed to God and asked him to tell me what He thought about the situation.

You know, sometimes God is just so honest that it stings. And this one did.

I'm issuing a kleenex alert because I know that there are many out there that probably deal with similar issues. And, if even a bit of this hits close to your heart, it will hurt. And it might make you cry. And, I hope, like me, is speaks to you in a way that opens your eyes and makes you think twice about how sensitive you are and how you need to build relationships instead of tearing them down.

I need, and have asked for, forgiveness from God for my behavior over the years. I am passive-aggressive. I don't like conflict, though I will go headlong into a situation to try to resolve it. But, I find this hardest with people I love, respect, and want approval from. So, please forgive me, Lord.

And, if you are my friend, please forgive me, too. Even if I don't remember saying unkind things about you or gossiping or whatever, I need you to know that I cherish all of you so much and I want to be the most awesome person that God sees in me, so I can build each of you up, not tear you down.

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I am talking to you today because I think there is something that needs to be brought to your attention.

Over the years, you have developed an extensive group of friends. All have something in common: they’ve dealt with you and the issue you have with passive-aggressiveness.

It is difficult to be your friend. You don’t accept criticism at all. You don’t like to be wrong. You sulk and pout when you don’t get your way. You talk about people behind their backs and don’t bother to think about how your behavior is affecting others until someone points this out to you. And that’s when the passive-aggression starts.

You don’t deal, head-on, with what is bothering you. Instead, you take the issue to the court of popular opinion and let your group of family/friends help you bash the person who hurt your feelings.

Have you noticed, when you take a complaint to your friends, that they rarely disagree with you? That the end result of your ranting is a friend who says you ARE right? That’s because, and this is really important, they are afraid to tell you the truth. Because, when they do, you get angry with them and turn around and talk about them behind their backs.

You have surrounded yourself with “yes” people. People who will shake their heads as you complain about the latest “insult” or disagreement or travesty of justice. Sure, there are a couple of people you love who will be brutally honest with you, and sometimes you turn to them for direction, but they are usually your last stop because you prefer to go to the “yes” people first. Because they make you feel better than the “honest” people do.

You might also take note of how much you complain. It’s almost constant. Have you stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, it’s because you are using other people? When you find yourself angry at someone, you complain and use whomever you are mad at as your punching bag in front of your other friends. You drag that person's name into a conversation where you verbally, and repeatedly, punch them because you don’t like something they said, did/didn’t do, wrote, or otherwise communicated.

And here’s the twisted part: you’ve said so many mean, negative, ugly things about other people over the years that nobody trusts you much anymore. What you thought was going to build you up has actually torn you down.

Life shouldn’t be that way. Sure, life is about struggle and hardship and tough decisions and conversations. And it’s not always going to go your way. Nor should it. Life should be about building relationships that are full of honesty and trust and mutual sharing, even sharing that leads you to examine your own heart and discover you are wrong.

Because, there are going to be times that people let you down. They WILL hurt you. They might tell you something about yourself that, at first blush, you disagree with but, yet, is the honest truth. And, sometimes, those comments might really, really hurt you. But, you have to consider, if someone loves you SO MUCH that they are willing to lay your relationship on the line, that person is worth having in your life. They are a “keeper”.

I am going to challenge you to stop assuming you know what people are thinking. Stop assuming that you know they were targeting you with the comments they made. STOP ACTING LIKE THE ONLY WAY TO BUILD YOURSELF UP IS TO TEAR OTHER PEOPLE DOWN. BECAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

You are precious. You are unique. You are special. You are loved. You are beautiful, just the way you are. You are smart, wonderful, and fearfully made.

But it’s not me that needs to believe this, it’s you. And, if you will make one little step in the direction of changing the way you relate to other people by giving them the benefit of the doubt and clarifying issues when you feel hurt and stepping up to keep wounds from destroying the love you share with family, friends, and neighbors, I KNOW you will find the person you were made to be.

Go. Today. Discover what we all know about you: you are awesome.

And you are going to be even more awesome when you figure that out.