Fable of the Porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other.

After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.

So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. This way they learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it, was the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

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When was the last time someone you are close to REALLY ticked you off?

For most of us, it won't take much time to think of an instance. In fact, for many, the last instance was in the last hour.

Did you make the person aware that they ticked you off?

If you tell me you posted a pithy comment on Facebook, that doesn't count. I'm talking you made a face-to-face contact or phone call to work the whole thing out.

Are you still stewing about it?

If you answered "yes", then I'm guessing you haven't had a conversation with the person who made you mad. Or that you hold grudges. Or that you are making a conscious decision to remain mad, even after you've received an apology.

I'm not calling you out on this today because I think you are a bad person. In fact, I am just as guilty as anyone, probably more so, about holding grudges.

As I approach my mid-40's, though, I'm starting to see things so much more clearly.

I recently read a book by a great Christian, Beth Moore, called So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us. It opened my eyes to the deep-seated insecurities inside of me that have kept me from living my best, insecurity-free life.

I learned that I was overly-sensitive to other people's comments because I placed all my value in what people thought of me, not in what God saw in me.

When I realized I'm God's daughter, His princess, and that He alone is what matters, stuff started rolling off my back at a much faster pace.

Are there still topics that are "prickly" in my life? Honestly, yes. I think there will always be a hint of insecurity within me when people criticize my kids or my weight or any other of a long list of things that have been long-playing songs in my head about my worth.

But, with the help of God, I'm learning to navigate the "prickly" waters of life. And I'm learning to let go of the hatred and bitterness and anger that come with being unable to let people I love/like/hardly know be "prickly" without sending that quill straight into my heart.

It's not an easy task, but it is a worthy one.

Which is why I'm going to issue you a challenge today. Your goal is simple: determine that one person in your life who has been the most "prickly".

Figure out what you can about WHY they are "prickly" and say a prayer for them; not that they would change, but that your heart would change toward them, that YOU would find empathy for their plight.

If you need to resolve conflict between the two of you, start by writing an open letter about how you feel and what needs to be resolved. Since you won't send that letter, be perfectly honest with your thoughts. Your goal is to pinpoint what YOU need to do to allow the healing to begin in your life.

Finally, pray for the best time for the two of you to have a conversation. Don't email, text or tattoo a message on your skin. This needs to be DIALOGUE. The goal of your conversation is to ask for forgiveness for the way YOU'VE been treating Mr./Ms. Prickly.

Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's emotional. And, Yes, you can do it.

Don't put this off. Like the porcupines, we have to decide how we are going to live the rest of our lives. And I know you care enough to want to be "right" with those whom you love.

Because, in the end, it's the prickly people who are going to be there for you.

Quills and all.